I have learned that holding on to past hurts is harmful to me. It stunts my growth process and keeps me from making any forward progress.
Letting go and forgiving past hurts was unheard of. I would hold a grudge and have resentments and anger towards people for years. I used to be a very spiteful person and could lay and wait for the opportune time to extract my revenge.
I understand today how damaging that behavior is. That still doesn’t mean that I have mastered forgiveness. I have not. But today I am practicing forgiving others because I know that I too need forgiveness. It’s easier said than done, but I have the willingness to practice it and I will eventually be better at accepting it for what it is and it’s intended purpose.
Learning how to forgive takes time but so far I have noticed that I am feeling a lot lighter. Less stressed and angry as a result. This is all new territory for me but being honest about it, having the willingness and open mindedness to attempt it has proven to be very helpful in my growing process.
And for that I am truly grateful.
Peace and Blessings
Today I recognize and am thankful for those members who loved me when I was unable to love myself. Those members who believed in me and supported me when I kept relapsing. No matter how many times I went back out, they remained supportive and kept telling me to keep coming back.
It was that unconditional love that kept me hopeful. I remember the feeling of utter hopelessness that I had when I was struggling to stay clean. Each time that I relapsed I felt like I would never ever be able to stay clean. It was a very depressing time in my life.
I didn’t believe in myself, I struggled with believing in a higher power and I had very little faith. I received shots of hope from members of the fellowship that had been down this same road. Those members that knew from experience what it felt like to relapse. They knew what I was going through and when they shared their stories with me it gave me hope that I too could stay clean.
Eventually everything that they shared with me became a reality for me. I became sick and tired of using and I was able to surrender. I was able to admit my powerlessness and the unmanageability of my life became crystal clear. I began to see the importance of meetings and sharing my feelings. Especially those feelings of wanting to use.
The longer I stayed the more I began to realize change was happening. My thinking was becoming a little clearer, my attitude was becoming more positive. I was becoming more hopeful and my behavior started to reflect that. My belief in a higher power was renewed and in turn my belief in myself began to grow.
I am for ever grateful that I was guided to and am being guided through this life saving process. Had it not been for the members of Narcotics Anonymous I would surely be in jail, some other institution. Or
I WOULD BE DEAD!
If you are reading this and you are struggling with staying clean. Just know that you can get clean and stay clean. Find those people that believe in you and want to help you in your process. Support is what got me through. If I can do it after using for almost 40 years so can you. I am here for you. Feel free to use the contact me link right here on my blog. I believe in you.
Recovery Is Possible.
Peace and Blessings