LEARNING TO LISTEN, LISTENING TO LEARN

image

I remember the first time I heard the slogan take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth. I had no clue as to what it meant and therefore I couldn’t understand how that was going to help me to stay clean. I didn’t have any cotton in my ears and I surely wasn’t going to put any in my mouth. I used to look at a lot of the slogans that way. I would only think literally and couldn’t see the bigger picture.

The longer I stayed the better my understanding of the slogans and literature became. With the help of more experienced members. I started to be able to apply certain things to my life and my process became just that much easier. I developed an open mindedness towards the application of honesty and had the willingness to try something new.

Listening was difficult for this addict because I always thought that I knew everything. I was smarter than you and there was nothing that I could learn from you. So naturally when people talked I payed very little attention. I barely listened to what you were saying and always wanted to be heard. I cut people off when they were speaking and was arrogant and quite obnoxious at times.
(I realize this today).

I came into recovery with that same know it all attitude. I would pick and choose who I spoke to and even then wouldn’t take the suggestions and always wanted to tell the helper how to help me. I did what I wanted to do even when advised against it and I couldn’t understand why I could not stay clean. I blamed every one and every thing except myself for my relapses and even then still wouldn’t listen. In my mind the program worked it just didn’t work for me.

Needless to say I caused my process to be a lot harder than it needed to be. All I had to do was listen so I could learn how to stay clean. All I had to do was take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth. Stop talking long enough to hear what people were saying. Stop acting like I knew everything and accept the help being offered to me. Accept it and not try to tell them how they should help me. Stop running off my own program. You know the one that hadn’t worked since day one, but I kept using the playbook anyway. Stop for a minute and listen.

Today by the grace of a higher power I have gotten a lot better. I’m not saying that I am cured of it. No way. I am open to listen to others and actually take a look at what they are saying. I’m not as quick to dismiss people today. I am willing to try new things. Lol
(Sometimes with a little convincing).
I have learned that my way doesn’t work. My way is what got me all those years of pain, misery and suffering. My way is the long difficult way. I am not above, better than or smarter than you and I can actually learn from anyone no matter if they are new or old.

If I just learn to listen , when I listen I might just learn something.

FAILURE IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY

image

All too often when I had failed at something I would get discouraged and never attempt it again. Even worse than that is the belief that I will fail at something before I even tried it. Failure can either be the end or the beginning. It all depends on how I choose to look at it.

I have the ability to succeed at anything that I put my mind to. I also have the same ability to allow my fear of failure to stunt my growth and stop me from putting my mind to anything. I can become so consumed by my fears, that I will settle for staying stuck in a mediocre mind frame and not push forward towards bigger and better things.

I have been practicing being consistent with forward motion. I am learning that failures are opportunities to learn. Failing at something is not the end of it, but the chance to learn from it so I can be better prepared and accomplish the task the next time. I’ve never looked at failing like this before but when I think about it, it makes complete sense.

Experience is my best teacher.
But I have to be willing to learn the lesson.

I LIVE AND LEARN

image

I am thankful for the process of recovery for it has taught me that I will never stop learning about myself.

There was a time when I thought I knew everything. Daaaaahahaha. I could never have thought for a minute that anyone could teach me anything. I was close-minded to reality. My world consisted of very little and only evolved to the newest drug spot that opened.

Today I am learning that everything that I thought was real was actually fantasy and a whole lot of misinformation. It’s like being awakened from a coma. It’s like being born again and exploring the world for the first time. Learning for the first time how to live, love, make friends, be a friend, walk and talk. It’s overwhelming at times but really it only overwhelming when I am in my head. When I am trying to control or manipulate situations.

I have been blessed to have an opportunity to start over. I look forward to it. I can accept today that I will make mistakes. My mistakes will teach me some very valuable life lessons.

As long as I remain open to receive them.