Good evening everyone. I apologize for being M. I. A. I have been feeling very depressed lately. I am suffering from the I’m not making any progress blues. The thing is that I am making progress. Being that I can be my biggest cheerleader and my harshest critic at the same time. It can be tough sometimes for me to see the glass as half full.
The truth is that I am grateful to even have a glass at all.,because as many of you know I suffered from a major stroke back in February last year and was on the floor in my home alone for 3days until I was found. I place very high expectations for my recovery and I am not fulfilling those expectations. I want to be well again but I am struggling with putting in the extra effort to do my exercises at home.
Of course I cannot forget to mention that the voice of addiction always has something to say. Constantly plugging away at me. My self esteem has dropped to active addiction levels. I have had to seek professional help. Mental health is serious businesses and should not be taken lightly. I am grateful to have a large network. I am also grateful to have a fantastic wife. She is the best and the strongest woman I know next to my Mom who I miss so very much. I didn’t really get to grieve or process her death because she passed a couple of weeks after the stroke. I hear her voice in my head at times. Thank God for the wisdom that she has imparted in me. She will always live in my heart. She may not be here physically but I know that she is with me spiritually. I know that this is just a temporary situation. My depression is gradually getting better. I go out for walks when I can. I’m determined. The devil is a liar. He cannot steal my hope. I won’t allow him to. If you or someone you know is struggling with similar issues. Please remember to never give up. I always tell myself that things aren’t the best but they aren’t that bad either, it could be worse. I find gratitude that they are not.
So with that being said. Until the next time. I pray that you are doing well and staying safe and healthy.
I’ve been missing in action lately. I’ve been feeling worn out, tiredness and lazy. I know thats a result of what I have been through in the last year. I have to admit that being strong and resilient is hard work. I’m not nor will I ever give up. I’m just exhausted mentally and physically. But I must remember that I have to keep moving my feet. I cannot afford to get complacent. I know that this too shall pass. I am a fighter. I will get back on track starting from this point forward. Staying connected is a priority
I have been blessed to have been brought to recovery. My higher power guided me to the rooms and guides me along the way on this journey. Recovery is something that I will not take lightly or for granted. Recovery saved my life. But I had to do some work and have to continue to do the work in order to keep what I have. I am grateful for the network of amazing people who I have met along this path. I would not trade this way of life for nothing.
Life is full of ups and downs. It’s not about what happens to me but more about how I respond to what has happened to me. No matter how you look at it life is wonderful and full of many blessings. Some good and some not so much again its more about how I choose to look at it and respond to it.
I’ve heard people say that prayer does not work. I totally disagree with that it’s the individual who does not work. After all prayer is only part of the equation you have to do your part in order to make it a reality. But I do not pray for materialistic things. I pray for God to bless us all I also pray that I can become an even better person and to treat people with respect. I used to pray for my higher power to please just get me out of this mess one more time and I will never do it again. We all know how that worked out only to be right back in the same situations time and time again. Not anymore. Anytime I pray for something today. I have to be ready to do the work so I also pray for guidance and strength to carry out the mission to the best of my ability.
I have been feeling very depressed lately and I am praying for some relief and comfort. I will be beginning a workout in the gym starting again this weekend. It’s time to resume my healing process. I am grateful for where I am and a year ago today
I was in a wheelchair but thanks to God’s grace and mercy today I am walking with my cane next chapter no cane coming soon.
If no one told you that they love you today. I love you. Keep fighting Struggles only make us stronger. They do not last forever.
jIust wanted to post a update on where I am at the moment.
am still on the road to recovery I hit a point where my therapist call a plateau. I wasn’t making progress as quickly as I should have been. I their eyes. So with that being said I was discharged from PT& OT services. That on top of the depression I was already experiencing was a hard pill to swallow. After all the hard work I was doing I began to wonder if I would ever really recover from this. I began to doubt myself and ask myself if it was worth it to continue. Of course I went to another facility for my therapy and the n last month I found out that my insurance ended at the beginning of this month.?? WTF. I’ve never enrolled in insurance through my employer that only lasted for a month not the full year after enrollment. That was the straw. Now I have no coverage an will need to get my shit together and get back to the gym so I can continue to do my exercises. To be honest I am not doing well. My mind is not cooperating. I’m trying to get over the Hump. I’m not feeling sorry for myself I just don’t have the enthusiasm I used to have. I will do my part and leave the results to my higher power. I’ve also been working on learning how to trade stocks. I’m taking classes and I am very grateful to be able to retain the amount of information that I have. I’ve got to admit that I surprise myself with the things that I am able to accomplish since I had my stroke last year. Life is good. I thankful that I am alive and I am certain that things will be better soon.
Thank you for reading my blog and for your support and encouragement.