It has been a while since I posted. I’ve been really busy between my getting ready for my wedding, physical therapy, trying to work, finding the time to make meetings and do step work among a host of other things. There is just not enough time in the day. Lol.
I have made quite a few discoveries about myself in the last couple of weeks. They say that when the pain gets great enough you will change. I have been feeling stuck and complacent. The pain of remaining the same has been causing me to feel a little depressed. Sadness and complacency are red flags. They are warning signs that I am heading into a dangerous place.
I’ve had the opportunity to to start a searching and fearless inventory of myself and I am getting some clarity on some of the things that I do and why I do them. A lot of the feelings and behaviors that I exhibit have been born in the struggle of my addiction and carried over to my life in recovery. I realize of course that they would if I am not doing anything to change them. After all nothing changes, if nothing changes.
One of the main things that I need to change is the way I think. Another thing is the things that I say to myself and others as a result of those thoughts. With some help, I am able to understand that what I speak will come into existence. I am the cause of my own results. I can no longer blame others for things that I am responsible for. If I continue to have a negative mindset, I will continue to have negative results.
Changing my thinking has been a challenge for me. I am so used to seeing life through the eyes of who I used to be that I am not giving who I am now a chance. The same mentality that has allowed fear to dictate my actions in my active addiction has been dictating my actions in recovery. It was easy to miss because I became accustomed to thinking and living that way. I settled once again for living in my comfort zone. Not wanting to try something new but sick and tired of living the same old way day in and day out.
I’ve heard it said that knowing is half the battle. The other half is doing something about it.
The journey and discovery continues.
Thanks for allowing me to share.
Peace and blessings.