Good evening everyone. I apologize for being M. I. A. I have been feeling very depressed lately. I am suffering from the I’m not making any progress blues. The thing is that I am making progress. Being that I can be my biggest cheerleader and my harshest critic at the same time. It can be tough sometimes for me to see the glass as half full.
The truth is that I am grateful to even have a glass at all.,because as many of you know I suffered from a major stroke back in February last year and was on the floor in my home alone for 3days until I was found. I place very high expectations for my recovery and I am not fulfilling those expectations. I want to be well again but I am struggling with putting in the extra effort to do my exercises at home.
Of course I cannot forget to mention that the voice of addiction always has something to say. Constantly plugging away at me. My self esteem has dropped to active addiction levels. I have had to seek professional help. Mental health is serious businesses and should not be taken lightly. I am grateful to have a large network. I am also grateful to have a fantastic wife. She is the best and the strongest woman I know next to my Mom who I miss so very much. I didn’t really get to grieve or process her death because she passed a couple of weeks after the stroke. I hear her voice in my head at times. Thank God for the wisdom that she has imparted in me. She will always live in my heart. She may not be here physically but I know that she is with me spiritually. I know that this is just a temporary situation. My depression is gradually getting better. I go out for walks when I can. I’m determined. The devil is a liar. He cannot steal my hope. I won’t allow him to. If you or someone you know is struggling with similar issues. Please remember to never give up. I always tell myself that things aren’t the best but they aren’t that bad either, it could be worse. I find gratitude that they are not.
So with that being said. Until the next time. I pray that you are doing well and staying safe and healthy.
I pray that by the time you are reading this that you are staying safe and healthy and protecting yourselves and your family.
The recent events have us all staying in the house and practicing social distancing. Although it can be rough for some because we are used to being out and about. I find it not only helps me to get closer to my higher power, but I have also taken this to be a sign. That I needed to take steps to make a career change.
I’ve been using my time to learn how to invest in the stock market. Loll hell of a time to get involved in the market right. Well since I got sick. I realized I will not be able to go back to work. So it’s actually the perfect time for me. I now have a new skill that I can practice just about anywhere I have a internet connection. I’ve started with equities and then I found options and now I have a interest in trading futures. E minis to be exact. I am very excited about my new endeavor. I am equally excited to be able to make sense of it after suffering from the affects of my stroke. I’m looking forward to the time when the Corona Virus is a thing of the past.
With everything that is going on around the world and here at home surrounding the Corona Virus. It is definitely important to me that I stay connected to the fellowship. Although a lot of the in person meetings are closing or already closed. There are still ways that we can make some meetings. Below is a link to some of the NAzoom meetings. Please feel free to find one and join in…
Good afternoon everyone, As more and more restrictions are being placed on the American public. It’s is still vital for all manifestations of recovering people to maintain their personal programs. Although meetings may be closing in your area as they are in my and many states. I still find meetings important so I have taken to joining online meeting sites such as in the rooms.com
I have also been advised on phone meetings. I have yet to join the phone meetings but I will soon. It is very important to keep in touch with each other and to make sure that we all remain safe. Until this virus blows over please remember what our parents taught us to wash your hands. Lol it crazy that they recommend that now. Haven’t you been doing it? I know I have. I’m always washing my hands and. I will make sure to remain a productive member of society and heed the simple suggestions to keep myself and my family safe.
I’ve been missing in action lately. I’ve been feeling worn out, tiredness and lazy. I know thats a result of what I have been through in the last year. I have to admit that being strong and resilient is hard work. I’m not nor will I ever give up. I’m just exhausted mentally and physically. But I must remember that I have to keep moving my feet. I cannot afford to get complacent. I know that this too shall pass. I am a fighter. I will get back on track starting from this point forward. Staying connected is a priority
I have been blessed to have been brought to recovery. My higher power guided me to the rooms and guides me along the way on this journey. Recovery is something that I will not take lightly or for granted. Recovery saved my life. But I had to do some work and have to continue to do the work in order to keep what I have. I am grateful for the network of amazing people who I have met along this path. I would not trade this way of life for nothing.
Life is full of ups and downs. It’s not about what happens to me but more about how I respond to what has happened to me. No matter how you look at it life is wonderful and full of many blessings. Some good and some not so much again its more about how I choose to look at it and respond to it.
I’ve heard people say that prayer does not work. I totally disagree with that it’s the individual who does not work. After all prayer is only part of the equation you have to do your part in order to make it a reality. But I do not pray for materialistic things. I pray for God to bless us all I also pray that I can become an even better person and to treat people with respect. I used to pray for my higher power to please just get me out of this mess one more time and I will never do it again. We all know how that worked out only to be right back in the same situations time and time again. Not anymore. Anytime I pray for something today. I have to be ready to do the work so I also pray for guidance and strength to carry out the mission to the best of my ability.
I have been feeling very depressed lately and I am praying for some relief and comfort. I will be beginning a workout in the gym starting again this weekend. It’s time to resume my healing process. I am grateful for where I am and a year ago today
I was in a wheelchair but thanks to God’s grace and mercy today I am walking with my cane next chapter no cane coming soon.
If no one told you that they love you today. I love you. Keep fighting Struggles only make us stronger. They do not last forever.
jIust wanted to post a update on where I am at the moment.
am still on the road to recovery I hit a point where my therapist call a plateau. I wasn’t making progress as quickly as I should have been. I their eyes. So with that being said I was discharged from PT& OT services. That on top of the depression I was already experiencing was a hard pill to swallow. After all the hard work I was doing I began to wonder if I would ever really recover from this. I began to doubt myself and ask myself if it was worth it to continue. Of course I went to another facility for my therapy and the n last month I found out that my insurance ended at the beginning of this month.?? WTF. I’ve never enrolled in insurance through my employer that only lasted for a month not the full year after enrollment. That was the straw. Now I have no coverage an will need to get my shit together and get back to the gym so I can continue to do my exercises. To be honest I am not doing well. My mind is not cooperating. I’m trying to get over the Hump. I’m not feeling sorry for myself I just don’t have the enthusiasm I used to have. I will do my part and leave the results to my higher power. I’ve also been working on learning how to trade stocks. I’m taking classes and I am very grateful to be able to retain the amount of information that I have. I’ve got to admit that I surprise myself with the things that I am able to accomplish since I had my stroke last year. Life is good. I thankful that I am alive and I am certain that things will be better soon.
Thank you for reading my blog and for your support and encouragement.
I am so filled with gratitude. Today is my 6year Anniversary. God’s grace and mercy has allowed me to get and stay clean for 6 whole years. As I sit here reading some of my earlier posts when I was struggling to stay clean. I cannot help but feel a sense of gratitude. I have come a long way from then to now. Wow and Thank you is all I can say
Thank you. To my higher power and to all the wonderful people God has placed in my life. I could not have done it without you. God knows. If you read any of my earlier posts you’d know. I tried to do this alone. I came to realize that I needed help. I became willing to accept that help and became open minded to a new way of life. A life without the use of any mood or mind altering substances. Go figure. Me never use drugs again. I thought I was going to die high. That was aways the plan, until I became open to finding a God of my own understanding. Not my Mother’s or Grand mother’s God. But my own. My life has changed dramatically and again I am so grateful.
My life has been spared on a number of occasions. Just recently. Surviving a major stroke and the loss of my beloved mother imstill standing tall. I did not feel that was a good enough reason for me to go back to getting high. I already know what that life is about. I love my life in recovery too much to go back to living like that again. No thank you. I will keep on moving forward towards and even better life. Sharing the hope is a whole lot better than sharing misery with miserable people.
I’m impressed with myself. I’ve held on through hell and high water and cam out clean. 🎁🎁Go Me 6years is a long time. It’s been a wonderful experience and I wouldn’t trade it for nothing. Not a damn thing.
Life is Good on this side of the tracks. No turning back ❤️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Good evening everyone, Firstly let me say thank God. I am ever so grateful to be able to write this blog post and to share my journey with you. As you know I suffered a major stroke back in February and I am partially paralyzed on my left side. Although I am struggling with accepting my current situation. I have fear of not recovering fully or at least back to what used to be normal. I have been under the care of physical, occupational and speech therapist since I was released from rehab.
I have had a couple of set backs along the way but nothing too serious. Thank God. Lately I have been feeling very depressed. I lack energy and do not want to eat at times. I have been in a dark place for a couple of days and yes I have been talking about it with my network and I just reached out to my primary physician with whom I am going to call in the morning. If need be I will seek professional help. I know that I cannot keep going on like this. I need not allow this to grow or fester I will get into the solution as quickly as possible. The last thing I want to do is to get proscribed another medication. I am sick and tired of taking medication. I know that I am grateful to be alive and clean. Using is not an option for me. I have no desire what so ever to get high. None. I already know what that is all about. It won’t now nor has it ever been a solution to any problems. I know that today.
I as always will keep all of my readers& network of friends of my blog posted on my progress or lack of
I’ve heard that said many times in meetings. That grateful addicts don’t Use. No matter what.
Well. Since my stroke I have a new found sense of gratitude. I’m grateful on a whole new level. I remember vividly how I used to take life for granted. I was un appreciative for the many years of blessings that I had received. I was being selfish and ungrateful. I realize that I need to get more involved in serving others. Giving back that which was so freely given to me. I share my life with you and others on a regular basis. I can be and need to be doing more. No matter what is a way of life for me. It’s not just a slogan. I suffered a major stroke and my beautiful mother passed away less than a month apart and I didn’t use that as an excuse to pick up. I share this as a means of hope for anyone who may be struggling with an illness and think that they cannot get through it clean. Yes you can. You never ever have to use drugs again. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.
God’s grace and mercy keeps me going strong. I only have a daily reprieve so every 24 hours that I stay clean is a day won. I coming up on 6 years clean next month. I am extremely proud of myself. I was the addict who just accepted the fact that I was going to die an addict. Boy was I wrong. I found a way out. I share my story with you freely in the hope that my story will inspire someone and help them believe that they too can get and stay clean.