I am sitting in my living room watching game 7 of the NBA playoffs between the clippers and the Mavs and reminiscing about the days when I was younger playing ball. Sitting here saying to myself one day I will be able to bounce a ball and run again. I believe that. I understand that while in the midst of a storm. I need to be mindful on what I focus my attention on. what I give the most attention to gains power. Focusing on my limitations will only prolong my suffering. Focusing on the desired outcome will help that outcome to become a reality. I keep telling myself that I am stronger than I think. I always give thanks to the lord for sparing my life and walking with me through my current situation. I believe that my breakthrough is coming and I am practicing being patient. It’s not easy. As an addict I am used to instant gratification. I want what I want and I want it now. But the reality of life is that life very rarely works that way. I am learning to trust that God hears my prayers and sees my struggle and he already has a solution in play. I just need to stay in position to receive the blessings he has in store for me.
To be honest, it is easier said than done my need to try and control outcomes has taught me that control is not within my power. So therefore I must trust in God and await the results of my faith and trust in God’s truth.
Thank you as always for taking the time to read my post and I welcome your feedback.
Hello everybody, I wanted to post a quick update on how I am doing. I pray that all is well with you and your families in this pandemic, my family and I are all doing well. Thank God.
I was completely unfocused for the last couple of months. The depression snuck in and set up shop in my head, I lost hope for a little bit. I began to doubt that I would ever recover from the stroke. Plus the fact that I was not going to physical therapy was not helping me. My insurance ran out, then paying cash my money ran out and then, my hope and motivation ran out. I was truly feeling frustrated and helpless. No one cared about anything that was not Corona Virus related. If not for my wife. I Sincerely doubt that I would have made it. Thoughts of death invaded my mind every day. I called Mental health and they helped me through some of the rough patches.
Thankfully I am now a Medicaid recipient. So I was able to get a appointment with my therapist for a evaluation and I was approved for physical therapy Sessions again.
Yaaay. I am very pleased to be back in therapy. I am so motivated that I even want to go back to the gym. (I am way ahead of my actual physical abilities) it will be a while before I can get back into the routine of working out, but I am hopeful. I ride my exercise bike every day. I am also a part of a stroke recovery group, which has been a blessing.
I am so grateful that God has spared my life and I pray continuously for restoration and his healing power. I feel so much better now that I have therapy again. I pray that this is the year I can leave the cane behind walk on my own and grab things again. I believe that it will be.
Good aafternoon beautiful people. As 2020 has ended and 2021 takes over. I pray that you are all doing well and ready to conquer the world in this pandemic. Prayers for a happy, healthy and prosperous new year from me to you. I am so grateful to be able to see another year, I know that it really did not have to be this way. I also know that I can not take any credit for the work of my creator. I am not confused about the fact that I have been spared/saved. As I reflect on my life. I see the many times. That Devine Intervention stepped in an changed the outcome of the things that I managed to get myself into. Make no mistake about it. If you do not have a higher power. You should get one that is loving and caring and believe without a doubt that you are in God’s hands. I remember when I was doubtful. My life has been a testimony of the power of God’s unconditional love. By his grace and mercy. I survived addiction to drugs and a major ischemic stroke. That’s just the most recent handy work. I can’t begin to tell you all the life threatening things that I have done in my active addiction and am able to share with people. My story is my story. I am thankful for the opportunity to share it here in my blog.
Thank you for taking the time to read this post,my blog and for being on this journey with me.
Good evening. It’s Christmas eve. As I sit here at home I can’t help but review my year so far. As this whirlwind of a year gets ready to come to an end. I pray that you are doing well. My prayers and condolences are with all those who have lost a loved one as a result of the Corona Virus pandemic. I say a special prayer for your comfort and relief. I also pray that we can overcome these challenging times and move past them to brighter days. I’ve been through a lot the last 2 years. The lower power was chipping away at me and trying to break down my resolve. Addiction and then stroke and adding depression to the mix. I almost gave up. I wanted to quit a few times. I am tired. I still have a long road to recover. The doctors told me that it might be anywhere from months to 3 years recovery time but I did not want to believe that I would have to be paralyzed for 3 years. I was determined to find a quick fix. I was going to show them. I’m still in the process of recovering. I work on my home therapy when I can. I am not always up to the challenge. I refuse to give up. No matter how long it takes. I believe that God is in control and did not save me for it to just end. I am a walking miracle and am grateful to be able to give others hope. I am always amazed when someone says that to me. I’m grateful for the lessons I have learned and the people I have met. God bless you all.
Good morning everyone, I pray that by the time you are reading this post, that all is well with you and your family. This is an especially hard time for many. I myself am not very happy with the efforts of support from our elected officials. As promises for another relief stimulus package is nothing but talk. Keeping the people dangling on strings while we are losing our homes as if we haven’t lost enough already this year. Dangling aStimulus package like a carot on a stick is utterly unacceptable. Bail outs are always quick an easy when it comes to the banks and the airlines so what’s the problem. I for one have been fortunate enough to have never needed the governments help to make it. Of course I had ways and means of making money that no longer are acceptable to me and my new way of life. With that being said. Waiting for a disability check that is not enough to live off to come every month is hard. I am at a point of desperation. It is a very uncomfortable feeling. I’ve had to humble myself and ask for help so I’ve created a GoFundMe campaign. I struggle with asking people to help me still. I am a work in progress. My health continues to be a issue of concern, but all in all I still find time to be grateful because I realize that I am blessed to be alive. God has spared my life from active addiction to a stroke last year to this pandemic keeping me safe and waking me up to have another day. I have nothing to complain about. The truth is a closed mouth don’t get fed. I am tired. I’m losing my hope and I don’t like it. They say tough times don’t last but tough people do. It sounds good until it’s your turn to be the tough one.
It’s been a while since I last posted so I just wanted to let you know that I am still here and still fighting. I continue to pray that this will all be over soon. I pray that the vaccine will help curb this virus.
I will keep praying for all of us to stay healthy and safe. God bless you all.
Good evening everyone. I apologize for being M. I. A. I have been feeling very depressed lately. I am suffering from the I’m not making any progress blues. The thing is that I am making progress. Being that I can be my biggest cheerleader and my harshest critic at the same time. It can be tough sometimes for me to see the glass as half full.
The truth is that I am grateful to even have a glass at all.,because as many of you know I suffered from a major stroke back in February last year and was on the floor in my home alone for 3days until I was found. I place very high expectations for my recovery and I am not fulfilling those expectations. I want to be well again but I am struggling with putting in the extra effort to do my exercises at home.
Of course I cannot forget to mention that the voice of addiction always has something to say. Constantly plugging away at me. My self esteem has dropped to active addiction levels. I have had to seek professional help. Mental health is serious businesses and should not be taken lightly. I am grateful to have a large network. I am also grateful to have a fantastic wife. She is the best and the strongest woman I know next to my Mom who I miss so very much. I didn’t really get to grieve or process her death because she passed a couple of weeks after the stroke. I hear her voice in my head at times. Thank God for the wisdom that she has imparted in me. She will always live in my heart. She may not be here physically but I know that she is with me spiritually. I know that this is just a temporary situation. My depression is gradually getting better. I go out for walks when I can. I’m determined. The devil is a liar. He cannot steal my hope. I won’t allow him to. If you or someone you know is struggling with similar issues. Please remember to never give up. I always tell myself that things aren’t the best but they aren’t that bad either, it could be worse. I find gratitude that they are not.
So with that being said. Until the next time. I pray that you are doing well and staying safe and healthy.
I pray that by the time you are reading this that you are staying safe and healthy and protecting yourselves and your family.
The recent events have us all staying in the house and practicing social distancing. Although it can be rough for some because we are used to being out and about. I find it not only helps me to get closer to my higher power, but I have also taken this to be a sign. That I needed to take steps to make a career change.
I’ve been using my time to learn how to invest in the stock market. Loll hell of a time to get involved in the market right. Well since I got sick. I realized I will not be able to go back to work. So it’s actually the perfect time for me. I now have a new skill that I can practice just about anywhere I have a internet connection. I’ve started with equities and then I found options and now I have a interest in trading futures. E minis to be exact. I am very excited about my new endeavor. I am equally excited to be able to make sense of it after suffering from the affects of my stroke. I’m looking forward to the time when the Corona Virus is a thing of the past.
With everything that is going on around the world and here at home surrounding the Corona Virus. It is definitely important to me that I stay connected to the fellowship. Although a lot of the in person meetings are closing or already closed. There are still ways that we can make some meetings. Below is a link to some of the NAzoom meetings. Please feel free to find one and join in…
Good afternoon everyone, As more and more restrictions are being placed on the American public. It’s is still vital for all manifestations of recovering people to maintain their personal programs. Although meetings may be closing in your area as they are in my and many states. I still find meetings important so I have taken to joining online meeting sites such as in the rooms.com
I have also been advised on phone meetings. I have yet to join the phone meetings but I will soon. It is very important to keep in touch with each other and to make sure that we all remain safe. Until this virus blows over please remember what our parents taught us to wash your hands. Lol it crazy that they recommend that now. Haven’t you been doing it? I know I have. I’m always washing my hands and. I will make sure to remain a productive member of society and heed the simple suggestions to keep myself and my family safe.
I’ve been missing in action lately. I’ve been feeling worn out, tiredness and lazy. I know thats a result of what I have been through in the last year. I have to admit that being strong and resilient is hard work. I’m not nor will I ever give up. I’m just exhausted mentally and physically. But I must remember that I have to keep moving my feet. I cannot afford to get complacent. I know that this too shall pass. I am a fighter. I will get back on track starting from this point forward. Staying connected is a priority
I have been blessed to have been brought to recovery. My higher power guided me to the rooms and guides me along the way on this journey. Recovery is something that I will not take lightly or for granted. Recovery saved my life. But I had to do some work and have to continue to do the work in order to keep what I have. I am grateful for the network of amazing people who I have met along this path. I would not trade this way of life for nothing.