Hello and welcome to From Struggle To Strength
This is the place where I share my thoughts. I write how I see things and how they affect me. What I post on my blog are my feelings.This is my journey, my struggles and triumphs, my ups and downs. This is meant to be a journal of my road to recovery and In no way are my posts meant to be a guide to recovery. You might not agree with it and that’s cool. You can post your comments and replies at the bottom of every blog post.
I should first let you know that I am a recovering addict. I have used and abused drugs for over 37 years. In the end drugs used and abused me. I thought my only problem was drugs but I am learning that my addiction runs much deeper. Using in the beginning was fun or at least I thought it was. After a while it wasn’t fun anymore and when I tried to stop I couldn’t. Using became a daily chore, it consumed my every thought and before I knew it I couldn’t stop using. I had to have drugs at all costs. I used from sun up to sun down every minute of every day. In the end it caused me to lose everything. I’ve been to jails and institutions and was suffering from a spiritual death. I wanted a way out and thought that there was no way out. I began to feel hopeless, worthless and useless. The loneliness, isolation, desperation, dereliction and despair started to take a toll on me. I had thoughts of suicide on a regular basis and had lost all hope. I prayed for death because it had to be better than the life I lived. I was ready to die but the God of my understanding had another plan.
I was introduced in prison to a fellowship and never utilized the life saving information that they were trying to pass on to me. One day that information came back to me when I was in a state of utter desperation and I looked for and found a meeting. Although I did not attend meetings until months later I finally made my way to a meeting and attempted to finally change my life. I stayed for a few months but eventually went back out and struggled back and forth for a few years. I just couldn’t understand how I could live without using drugs. I still wanted to do things my way and didn’t know how to ask for help. It took some time and some more pain and suffering but I am finally starting to see a difference. Now I am able to reach out to others and talk about myself. I am making changes, changes that I thought were only possible for others and not for me. I didn’t believe that I would ever stop using drugs. I thought that I could never stop using drugs. Today I know that’s not true.
I have been in the process of recovery since 2011. I just recently celebrated my first year clean.This blog for the most part takes you on my journey from the beginning. It takes you through my ups and downs and almost everything in between. I can tell you that it has been a struggle for me but as time goes by I am getting better. I know that I will never be cured or fully recover but I am grateful for the process and the knowledge that I am gaining about my disease. The disease of addiction.
We overcome our Struggles and find Strength.
Thank you for reading my blog and for being on this journey with me.
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