Good afternoon everyone, I hope that you all are in good health and spirits. As for me well all I can say is Thank you God.
It has been quite some time since my last post and for this I truly apologize. I have been preoccupied. Living life on life’s terms is not easy, suddenly I find that there aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything that I think I need to do. I must admit that I am amazed at how my life has turned out so far. The good, bad and the sometimes ugly of today are nothing compared to how I saw life just a short 4 years and 10 months and some days ago.
Let me catch you up on what has been going on in the life of this recovering addict.
As many of you might know, I’ve moved from NYC. I have been blessed to have the opportunity to start a brand new life in a brand new state. I have also been blessed to find a woman to spend my life with. We are making a new life together and it has been an amazing journey from the start. There have been many blessings along my journey in this new life in recovery. I have learned to stand up for myself, not accept anything, I do not need to people please to try to fit in. I have learned to love myself and treat myself with respect and to accept love from others. I am still growing and changing in so many ways. I am grateful beyond words.
I remember my beginning, back when I struggled to stay clean. I thought that I would die using and used to say that I wanted people to put drugs in the casket. Smfh. I mean who thinks like that. Just that alone should have told me that something was seriously wrong. I thank God that I was saved from myself. Yes God because left to my own devices, I wouldn’t have stopped until I either killed myself or someone else.
Coming from my active addiction into the recovery process was not a easy transition. I resisted everything and everyone that tried to help me. I was still caught up in the grips of my addiction and the false beliefs that I had developed over the decades of using. I couldn’t believe that anyone in their right mind could actually want to stop using drugs. I couldn’t grasp the slogan if you don’t pick up, you can’t get high. All I’ve ever known and wanted was to pick up. So I struggled and suffered in silence. As time went on and after several returns to active addiction I finally found myself willing to try a different way of doing things. I was ready and so I surrendered and my life began to change.
There are times in my Journey that my old attitudes and behaviors are active. I find myself wanting to revisit negative thoughts and act out on my negative behaviors. Those are the times when I have to remember what practicing those behaviors have gotten me. Jails and institutions are a part of my past and I have no desire to make them a part of my present. I have to keep my story fresh in my mind but not live in or become stuck on those thoughts. It’s Ok to visit my past but God knows I do not wish to live there. So I plug back in and stay connected.
Although my life is great now, it only takes one bad decision to startup a vicious cycle all over again. I am grateful to be missing because my life has changed and become full and not missing because I used and returned to the scene of my addiction. The work that needs to be done is ongoing, it’s never alright to think that I don’t need to stay in this process or that I don’t need it anymore. That is the biggest lie that I could ever tell myself and will only lead to the self destruction that I only have a daily reprieve from. I am only a strong as the program that I work. If I am not working on my recovery, then relapse will be working on me.
So I take action to
STAY CONNECTED, STAY PROTECTED
Peace and blessings.