FINDING MY OWN WAY. 

I heard it said and truly believe that, If I forget where I came from. I will certainly be doomed to repeat. So I make it my business to make the necessary connections today. By doing so it allows me to see myself coming and stop my insanity before it becomes a problem. Before it becomes a resentment, before my thinking can try to convince me that I am wasting my time and that I can’t do anything right. Blah, blah, blah. So forth and so on.

My life has been a vicious cycle of never ending insanity for a long time and now that I am clean and living a semi-normal life I find that the insanity is still present. It manifests itself in similar and in different ways.

Take for instance my need..

-To belong, I am still feeling my way around and still at times feel like I don’t belong. My disease is still active in that area and is constantly trying to isolate me from the very thing that has saved my life.

-To fit in, I am still trying to figure out where I fit in, in the grand scheme of things. What’s my purpose, what’s my niche. What am I supposed to be doing with my life. Why have I been given another opportunity.

-To keep the peace, I am finding myself people pleasing, biting my tongue, not speaking my mind. Dumbing down. I am not being the blunt, abrasive and forthright person I once knew to be me. Instead I play small almost as if I am trying to be invisible or not take responsibility.

I don’t know. I’m rambling.

Anyway.

I am trying to find my own way. It’s time to fill the void. I no longer wish to live someone else’s way. Do what they want to do. I have to start giving thought to what I want. Find out what makes me tick. Figure out my purpose. Stop jumping from one thing to another and be consistent.

It’s time to create my world.

Peace and blessings.

Eric Ease