FORCING MYSELF TO FIT IN AND MAKING MYSELF UNHAPPY IN THE PROCESS. 


People pleasing has always in one way or another been a part of my life. I’ve done a lot of perverbial tap dancing to be a part of, to fit in, to be accepted, liked or loved. I sacrificed my morals, my instinct, my dignity, pride and self esteem all to feel like I belonged somewhere, anywhere. More often than not I wound up being used, lied to and left to lick my wounds curled up in the fetal position. 

The problem is that I know better now, but still find myself saying yes when I mean no, biting my tongue, walking on eggshells and again sacrificing my morals, instincts, dignity, pride and self esteem all for the sake of not creating waves or hurting someone else’s feelings. All the while neglecting my own feelings and then feeling like I’ve been done  wrong by others. 

The fact is I have been done wrong, but not by others. I have been done wrong by myself. I allowed it to happen, I set myself up for the disappointment, hurt and pain. By not expressing my true feelings, by lying by omission or out right saying yes when I should say no. 

I sit hear as I type this blog post and I realize that I cause myself more damage, more discomfort and disappointment than anyone ever could. So I suffer from the results of my own insanity. I suffer because I keep doing the same things expecting different results. The behaviors are the same, the people, the job and the years are the only difference. 

I am tired of this cycle, it always ends the same. The difference this time is I know that I have choices. I can choose to stay stuck, living in the safe zone or I can take this pain and use it to catapult me to the next level. I can use this as another learning experience and actually learn something from it. I need to start making my own mark, finding my own niche, paving my own way. 

I don’t need anyone to validate me. I need to validate myself. 

The Journey Begins. 

Peace and blessings. 

Eric Ease 

4 thoughts on “FORCING MYSELF TO FIT IN AND MAKING MYSELF UNHAPPY IN THE PROCESS. 

  1. Hi Eric. It is good to see a blog of yours again. If I have missed some, I am sorry because they are always good food for thought and growth. I won’t say all, but I believe the majority of us go through situations in life, where we act, or speak to please others, and kick ourselves as soon as we realize what we have done again.
    Some things that are done to please others are just more heavy duty, and more painful, with longer lasting effects.

    Don’t be too hard on yourself Eric. You have come a long way. It is ok to glance from where you have come, occasionally, but keep focused on the new “journey” ahead. I love that thought.
    Keep on that path, and God’s Blessings, Friend!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi George. I always look forward to hearing from you because you always give me good feedback to think about. I try not to be to hard on myself but often fall short on that goal. I will try to remember to focus on how far I have come and not how far I have to go. Thank you again my friend for your support and encouragement. I truly appreciate you. Have a fantastic evening.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. When we’ve done something the same way for most of our lives, our brains naturally go that way. It’s like when I used to work in the same office 5 days a week for 20 years and, on Sunday, found myself driving to my workplace because I wasn’t paying attention. It takes a lot of effort to change habits that might have served us well in earlier years. I still catch myself squelching my own best interests because I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or because I want someone to like me, but I’m getting better, and I don’t do it as often as I used to. I bet you’ve been getting better, too. We can congratulate ourselves every time we stand up for our goals in a way that respects others and ourselves. We will never be perfect, but we are making progress!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you JoAnna. I appreciate you sharing your identification with the example of driving to work on a Sunday (by the way I’ve done that too on a Saturday. Lol) You also correct I have made some progress in the area and should remember that I will never be perfect. Thank you for reading and following my blog. Have a fantastic day.

      Liked by 1 person

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