I have been blogging for 5 years 2 months and 7 days. I’ve been clean for 3 years 2 months and 23 days. One thing I have learned is that my addiction never takes a day off. It doesn’t rest or go on break. My addiction is alive and always on call. Ready to step in and cause friction, wreak havoc, tell me lies or isolate me from the herd. My addiction doesn’t take vacations.
I say that because, as I told you all last week. I have been on the road to self destruction and decided to do something about it. The first thing I did was to tell on myself. First here on my blog and then in a meeting. I shared because I was scared. I am not ashamed to admit my fear of relapse today. I am not ashamed to admit that I am scared because I know all to well what happens when I keep secrets.
So although my addiction doesn’t take vacations. I do. I am on a cruise ship right now with my wife and we are having a wonderful time. We are celebrating my birthday which is in 2 days on January 20th. We are sailing from Miami to Honduras, Belize, Cozumel and… We have been waiting patiently for this trip for months and are very happy in each other’s company when we travel. I love her and am grateful we are together.
I for one know all too well that my addiction aka ME, doesn’t like to see me happy. I have been down this road before and screwed up again and again. More times than I care to mention. I also know that my addiction wants me dead but it will settle for me being miserable. It’s crazy but true. Addiction will have me kill my own self. My dreams and my aspirations. If I am not careful I can easily start believing all the bullshit that runs through my mind at any given moment every day. So I am taking the measures to protect myself.
Being in a ship in the middle of the ocean where 95% of the people are drinking and drunk I have made sure to carve out the time to make the on board meetings. Even though the meetings are from another fellowship I make sure to attend. I am grateful to be able to make a meeting in the middle of nowhere. It’s truly a blessing and one that I do not take for granted. It’s easier to use than to stay clean when I am not being vigilant with maintaining my recovery.
I am responsible for my recovery.
I will stay connected so I can stay protected.
Peace and Blessings