I finally understand what it means when they say it’s an inside job. When I first heard this my interpretation was way off. Along with my interpretation of everything else, it was negative.
Negativity the driving force of my existence for years held me hostage in never ending cycles of destruction, chaos, despair and isolation. I just didn’t understand why everything that was happening kept happening. I certainly didn’t believe that I was the cause of my own misery. So of course I blamed everyone else.
I needed to change. I needed to find something different and I alone had to do it. No one could do it for me. I alone have the power to change my situations and circumstances. I heard it before but I acted as if I didn’t know. I said that I didn’t know and began to believe that I didn’t know . I didn’t know because I didn’t want to know. I kept myself in the dark for fear of what I would find. I was afraid to get to know the real me. Afraid because of the lies I always told myself about myself. Ones like no one would like me or want me around. Like I am unlikable, unloved , unwanted and unworthy.
I thought myself right out of friends, family, jobs and life in general.
I didn’t know then, what I know now. I didn’t know that in order for me to change my circumstances , I had to first change my thinking. I also had to change my attitude and behaviors. I had to be willing to take a long hard look at me and then put forth action. I had to do some work . Hard work. I didn’t think I could do it. I am grateful for the men and women who helped me to believe that I could. They loved me until I was able to love myself and they still love me today even when my skies are gray.
It’s truly a blessing to have the power to make healthy choices, to be able to make mistakes and grow from them. To see the results of the choices that I make having a positive impact on my life and the life of others. I’m grateful that I can start my day over at any given moment instead of staying stuck going in the wrong direction.
I wouldn’t trade this life for nothing in the world. Because I finally understand that it starts and ends with me.
It truly is a inside job.
Peace and blessings.