A lot has happened since my last post. First let me say thank you to all those who showed support and encouragement when doubt and other negative vibes were invading my peace of mind. With your help I was able to continue my search and have a glimmer of hope that everything will be alright in the end and if it’s not alright. Then it’s not the end.
I have to give a special thanks to my fiancee Dyon for urging me to apply again for a position within the company that I was working for. Well I took her suggestion and reapplied for a position that was available within my own company, I got through the interview successfully and was given a start date. I am grateful that I have a support system that loves me when I am not able to love myself. When I am feeling doubtful and beginning to believe the lies that I tell myself yet again. When my world seems to be crumbling down around me and my faith is wavering. It’s a blessing to have such wonderful people in my life.
I could never have imagined in my active addiction, that my life would turn out the way it has. I gave up on my dreams long ago, only to find out that those dreams are now being awakened. Through the grace of God which I choose to call my Higher Power, my lovely fiancee, my network, Stepwork and the fellowship my life is shaping up very nicely. I can honestly say that I am happy, joyous and free.
I packed my bags and hit the road a couple of days ago and headed to my temporary apartment in NC. I start my new job on Monday and the new beginnings with my future wife will soon follow. I am missing her being with me but it’s a sacrifice we both had to make in order to get to the bigger picture. A picture that includes the both of us for years and years to come.
I have already plugged in to the fellowship out here and have a list of meetings and some numbers to dial. If there is one thing I am crystal clear on is that if I do not maintain my recovery I will most certainly be doomed to repeat my old behavior patterns. Relapse is a part of my story and I have no desire to return to that negative, desperate lifestyle. I have the tools today and I use them. I am forever grateful for my new way of life. I will protect it at all costs.
The Journey Continues.
Peace and blessings
I love this picture and quote. It depicts strength and resilience.
For a long time I couldn’t figure out what to do withwith myself. I was hell bent on a path that was leading nowhere quick. I thought that I couldn’t do any better. I thought that I was a lost cause. Somewhere deep down inside of me I knew better, but my mind was so far gone that I couldn’t escape the grips of my addiction.
I’ve been many places and tried many things in my journey. Addiction took me through various levels of hell only to find that what seemed like my bottom wasn’t. There was a trap door in the floor that allowed me to sink deeper. Still I knew there was a better way. I just had to find it. I invisioned it many times in many states of utter desperation. But my twisted thinking led me to believe that I could never obtain it.
I’ve been fighting since I was a child.
The Struggle Is Real. Trust me when I tell you. Drugs was my escape from a mind that just wouldn’t shut off. The never ending succession of insanely negative thoughts and feelings just became too much for my young mind to decipher so I settled on believing what I was being told.
The devil 👿 tried to make me do it. But he failed time and time again. My Higher Power’s will for me was stronger than my own destructive will for myself. Although I was fooled by those devilish thoughts for what seemed like an eternity, I was eventually led to the road to freedom. A freedom that came at a cost. A high price to pay to live so low.
I’m not a survivor, I’m a fuckin warrior.
People look at me and judge me because of my past. My background reads like a violent, crime and drug fueled action movie. They haven’t a clue what it takes to survive that, be able to walk away from it and share it with others. They haven’t got a clue and never will because they refuse to admit that it takes a lot more courage, guts and resilience then they will ever have. It’s easy to kick a man when he’s down and try to keep him down. But what about when he gets back up? Now you want to change your tune and pretend that you always knew I could do it. Whatever. It’s all good. I don’t need your fake ass support and damn sure don’t need your approval.
People fear what they do not understand. So I say to you. Educate yourself, get involved, show support and encouragement. Don’t condemn and belittle people who are struggling. We do enough of that ourselves. We are not weak, we are warriors. Believe that.
Peace and blessings.