On this day back in 1937 my father was born. In August of 2001 my father had his home coming.

I remember my Father as a strick, hard working man. He made sure his boys knew the basics. As I got older and my addiction settled in my Father became my enabler of sorts. No matter how hard he fought he always came through. He tried his best to keep me from going to prison again and again. He tried his best to help me see the error of my ways. I was too caught up in the grips and ignored his every warning.

Before my Father passed away he was able to see me living a semi better life. He had seen me at my worse and he seen my struggling to try to get clean. Unfortunately he never got to see me clean. He never got to see his son get past his demons.

I never got to express to my Father how much I appreciate everything he had done for me and how much I love him. I never really had the opportunity to properly grieve his death and am still heartbroken. I still come to tears when I think about him and am crying now as I write this.

I miss my Father. He was my friend. I am feeling sad, depressed, angry and frustrated. I am going through it. I will get through it. I know he is smiling down on me and proud of where I am at today.

Happy birthday Pops

Peace and blessings

Eric Ease

10 thoughts on “MISSING MY FATHER

  1. Hi Eric,
    I bumped into your blog via Dream big, dream often. I’m so sorry that you feeling sad at this time. We will never get use to the feeling that death leaves us with. Be strong knowing that a parent has the ability to love beyond challenging circumstances and I’m sure your dad too loved you no matter the drama in your live. I love your honesty.
    Be well!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome to my blog. I’m glad you found it and enjoy having you as a reader. Yes death of a loved one is hard to get used to and get over but I am grateful for the time that we did spend together and he will forever live in my heart. Thank you for your comments. I truly appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. dammit Eric you got me going now. Thanks for the gentle reminder. There were so many words,tough times and silence between my father and I and he,like your dad,never got to see me sober. But I owe him so much.Dammit Eric!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. i respect your feelings and understand your pain. my father transitioned just three days after his 80th earth day, in 2009. our broken, estranged and fractured relationship eventually taught me to look inward for the source of my discontent.

    after decades of cantankerous rebellion, i learned to forgive him – and myself – for harboring feelings of betrayal, disappointment, indifference, rage and unworthiness. as i grew spiritually, we cultivated a genuine bond of honesty, respect and trust.

    i encourage you, if you have not done so already, to write him a letter with your emotional truth. the language of letting go is available to you now. the power of spiritual freedom is buried within the purest space in your heart.

    in the meantime, be kind to your soul.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Aw 😔 try to feel joy knowing ( as you say) he is looking down and smiling at you. His son who he loved and tried to help has achieved a life out of active addiction. Your emotions are normal at the loss of someone you love. Active addiction blocks those feelings and like you say you can only think of yourself and your needs. Don’t beat yourself up over that too! That is what that drug does to you. It’s not you. I hope that maybe your Dad had some insight to how it worked and understood that. But regardless he loved you you are his son.
    Enjoy this day

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Karen. I am grateful that I can share my feelings and experiences and gain some insight from your comments. I truly appreciate your support and am thankful that we have built a friendship. Have a fantastic day my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You are miles ahead now, I am sure he is filled with pride at who you are now. The anger and frustrations are normal. But don’t dwell on them so much. Dwell on the pride he feels instead.

    Liked by 2 people

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