I heard it said many times that if I think I can or cannot I am right. I could never quite figure out what that meant until recently. I didn’t understand the power that lies with my thoughts. That if I think negatively about something it will eventually have a negative outcome. If I think positively I will have a positive result. My circumstances are determined by my own energy and my attitude towards any given situation.
For what seems like a thousand years I have had a negative outlook on life. As a child I can remember not liking myself and wishing my life was better, wishing I was this or that. I defeated my own purpose then and as I grew older I started experimenting with substances. My circumstances only got worse and my life spiraled out of control because I truly believed that I could not do anything about it. I wallowed in self pity and blamed everyone for what I thought to be my misfortune. Taking no responsibility for my actions because I didn’t know how.
Coming into recovery all these years later it is difficult to undo all the damage that I have caused myself. My fractured thinking still at times will have me believe that I am not worthy and that things are going to end badly soon. I have come a long way since October 2013 but the truth is I have only begun to scratch the surface. I have a long road ahead of me I know. The main difference today is I am learning not to see my glass as half empty. I try to see the big picture and not self defeat. I fall short on many occasions believe me. That’s why I am grateful that I have people in my life. Those closest to me help me to recognize when I am blocking my own blessings and she helps me to see through my own mess.
I can admit today that I need help and that I cannot always see past the obstacle that is me. But I believe that I will and that’s why I continue to do the work.
Peace and blessings