I had a discussion this morning with my wife and it was basically about why I haven’t posted anything to my blog recently. I had to admit that I have been in a slump lately and been suffering from for lack of a better term writers block. I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around a subject to post about other that the usual topics and my disease has been actively telling me that I post about the same things over and over and no one wants to keep reading about it. I even went as far as to consider shutting down the blog. I have been thinking too much and had to take a break.
I know all to well what happens when I over think things. I can create a problem where there is none and how if I am not careful my disease will have me thinking that I am not helping anyone nor myself by writing my blog and that recovery is not really working and I should just stop kidding myself. I am aware today that my thinking is beyond normal and most would agree upside down.
I am thankful for the awareness that I have gained in recovery. I am learning new things about myself daily and I am beginning to notice patterns of behavior and attitudes associated with those behaviors. I am learning to identify my feelings and even express them sometimes. Other times I sit in silence and try to figure out the meaning of it all by myself and think myself crazy. I am aware today when I am thinking myself crazy and even though I may not be able to catch it before it starts, eventually I do catch it and can stop it and start my day over at any time.
I am thankful for serenity. I have found a level of peace since coming into recovery that I have never known nor experienced before. I am 20 times calmer today than I was 3 years ago. My temper is not as bad and I am not as quick to want to jump knee deep into yo ass. I am able to think a lot clearer and to even use consequential thinking. I know that for every action there is a reaction and for every reaction there is a consequence. Good or bad there is always a result to my actions. I am thankful for the wisdom to take a second to breathe and not act off impulse today.
I am thankful for the things that I am learning about the disease of addiction and the many different ways that it will try to discredit my achievements and my forward motion. I am thankful that I am a lot better at not allowing my feelings or my thoughts to dictate my actions today. I have the ability to choose and I exercise that option.
I am thankful for a lot of things, too many to write about here in this post but the list goes on and on. Needless to say I am very thankful for all of the people in my life today who help me along the way in this process of life. Recovery has made such a tremendous difference in my life and I will be forever thankful for this opportunity to grow and spread my wings.
I am thankful that I got to live 2 lives in one lifetime.This experience is priceless and I would not trade my new way of life for nothing. Especially not my old life.I will keep fighting for my freedom come hell or high water.
I have been blessed beyond words.