118 DAYS CLEAN
The get-togethers after our meetings are good opportunities to share things that we didnt get to discuss during the meeting.
Basic Text, p. 98
Just for today:
I will break free of isolation. I will strive to feel a part of the NA Fellowship.
Hello and God Bless You.
Isolation is an addicts best friend and a recovering addicts worse enemy. When I was active I isolated for so long that any real friends that I might have had I didn’t have for long. I would avoid people at all cost. The embarrassment and hopelessness that I felt kept me from associating with people. That same feeling took me to new depths of loneliness that I never knew existed.
When I came into recovery I saw people interacting with each other. Laughing and sharing. Joking and smiling with each other. I felt out of place. I sat quiet and watched. People introduced themselves to me and before long I felt like I actually belonged. The more time went on the more comfortable I became. I am truly grateful for that experience because it kept me coming back. I didn’t feel so lonely anymore. I have made many good friends in recovery and I thank God for guiding me to the rooms and online communities that I am apart of.
I am having a hard time today because my disease is trying to take it all away from me. My disease is feeding me a bunch of lies designed to make me feel like I am not worthy of this new life, new friends, new found joy. I know better than to believe all of the lies but I also know that I have to share these thoughts and feelings with you. I know that I am only as sick as my secrets. I can see the light getting brighter at the end of the tunnel and my disease doesn’t like that so its trying extra hard to get me back. I have been feeling like crawling under a rock, like isolating, like not making meetings calling my sponsor or doing anything lately and I need to shake these unhealthy feelings. I have been here before and the results were not good.
Today I will continue to tell on my disease. I will not isolate. I will call my sponsor and someone from my network. I will make meetings. I will not allow these funky feelings to gain anymore traction. I will pump my breaks and get my focus back on the positive things that I am grateful for.
Thank you for reading today’s blog post.
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Peace and Blessings