I remember how hard it was for me to admit that I was an addict and to ask for help. I was in such deep denial that I couldn’t see past all the lies, hurt, pain, misery and suffering let alone all the evidence that told me that I was and that I needed help bad. I suffered dearly as a result of that denial too. I stay stuck in a viscous never ending cycle for decades.
Help was available but I wasn’t ready to receive it. Help came from many different people too. My Parents, Parole officers, Counselors even ex Girlfriends. None of which did I receive with a open mind or heart. I rejected everyone that ever tried to help me because I truly did not know any better. I believed the BULLSHIT that I was feeding myself. The lies like. I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM, I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP, I AM OK AND I DON’T NEED YOU and my favorite I CAN STOP ANYTIME, I JUST DON’T WANT TO.
The truth is I couldn’t stop anytime I wanted to. I wanted to and didn’t know how. I wished many days that I could stop. I wanted to stop so bad that I began to believe another lie. That the only way I would ever stop was if I was dead. I began to entertain that idea as the solution to my problems. Little did I know that there was help available all I had to do was ask. But the real deal is I knew, I just didn’t know how to ask for help. Image, ego and a false sense of pride along with the lies that the streets taught me almost killed me and the sad part of all of it is.
I WOULD HAVE KILLED THE WRONG PERSON..
So how can I not share my experience, strength and hope with others. How can I be selfish, self centered and so self absorbed and not share the hope. How can I keep this life saving information to myself. I CAN’T and that is why I share it freely and willingly with the world. I want everyone to know that there is a way out of the grips of addiction. There is a light 💡 not only at the end of the tunnel but inside the tunnel lighting the way.
I am grateful that I can share my story. That I survived by the grace of God and can help others who may believe the lies like I did that I can’t stop. I’m here to break that chain 🔗, to shatter those lies and to show and prove that recovery is possible. If I can recover after 37 years of using and abusing drugs, myself and others anyone can do it too.
Help is available and all you have to do is ask.
Peace and blessings