SELF ACCEPTANCE


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The lack of self acceptance is a problem for many addicts. Many of the problems we experience in ongoing recovery stem from an inability to accept ourselves on a deep level.
FROM IP#19 SELF ACCEPTANCE.

BACK IN THE DAYS.

Accepting myself for who I am is a major issue for me. I have used drugs for a very long time and never accepted myself. But this goes back even before I ever picked up that first drink over 35 years ago. Growing up as a kid in Brooklyn I didn’t like who I was. I was a skinny, scared little kid. I was picked on by people because I was poor, skinny and had big eyes. I always felt like an outsider, I was constantly picked on and I hated it.

I hated certain parts of my childhood. I couldn’t understand why people didn’t like me so I cried a lot. I always wished I was someone else (anyone else) so I pretended to be anyone but me. As time went on I got introduced to alcohol and I noticed it gave me confidence (or so I thought back then) and that was the beginning of the road to destruction. I drank everyday.

FALSE IMAGE

Needless to say I became a monster. I became a bully instead of the victim. I became a vicious little kid and as time went on I moved on to harder drugs, crime and eventually prison. I though I was the man. I always put up this false image of  myself to fit in with whatever crowd I wanted to be a part of. I did things so people would like me. Ultimately drinking and drugging became my secret weapon. It made me popular. This went on for years and now as an adult I find myself lost, without and identity to call my own. I  feel like I have no purpose, like I’m just existing. I struggle with who I am and what I stand for and that’s when I start to get Irritated, judgemental of myself, depressed, confused and angry. ALL TRIGGERS FOR ME. I start telling myself the lies you know the lies, drugs will make me feel better or I am a failure anyway so lets go smoke something. etc, etc. Then the next thing you know sticking true to my nature I eventually relapse. I have been rejecting myself for years. I am unable to accept myself as anything other than a failure and not worthy of anything good. I am that little kid again. I  know self rejection all to well and I also know about being rejected by others. I used to push people away before they could reject me, so I would feel like I rejected them first. Insanity is alive and well aint it..lol

SLOW DOWN

I am aware of these things today. I know that change will not happen over night and it is a process. I am willing to give myself a chance. I want to get better. I want to learn to love myself and I know that I will as long as I don’t give up on myself and pick up. So I am doing some real work on myself this time. I am getting in touch with my inner self and with my new found faith. I am chipping away at the years of self neglect, self rejection, self loathing, self pity and selfishness and with the help of my higher power GOD, my sponsor, my home group and my network of recovering addicts, the basic text, the 12 steps and all the literature I have faith that I will begin to make some progress. As I stated before this is a process that will take some time. It is scary to think about sometimes but it must be done. I will not rush this process and get frustrated because I think I am not seeing results. I will take this one day at a time. One minute at a time if I have to. I will give myself a break and stop being so hard on myself.

Afterall I am a very nice person.  : )

Thank you for reading today’s blog post.
Please feel free to comment below.  Thanks again and have a great day.

Peace and blessings.

 

Eric Ease

 

 

9 thoughts on “SELF ACCEPTANCE

  1. You got this Eric! I kicked my Japanese habit in 2001 but the damage to my family had been done. And although I tried to repair our broken lives on my own it was only when I let the Holy Spirit in that everything began to make sense!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing your experience. I appreciate and can relate to your identification. I am not very religious but I am spiritual and I do know that none of this works and I would not be able to do any of it without my higher power.

      Like

  2. Congratulations on your journey towards self-acceptance and self love. For many addicts, such as myself, this is an even more difficult journey than getting clean and staying clean. Although of course staying clean is self-love as is being connected to a Programme and a fellowship as you are and I am. A psychologist who was treating me said I “just didn’t know how to look after myself” as I read a book that frightened me. I was pretty upset with her as I was by then almost 9 years clean and had extricated myself fully from the death spiral that was my cocaine addiction and rampant bulimia. You are showing self-love and self acceptance by staying clean your method sounds like it works..keep it in the minute if you have to as you say…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Congratulations on your journey towards self-acceptance and self love. For many addicts, such as myself, this is an even more difficult journey than getting clean and staying clean. Although of course staying clean is self-love as is being connected to a Programme and a fellowship as you are and I am. A psychologist who was treating me said I “just didn’t know how to look after myself” as I read a book that frightened me. I was pretty upset with her as I was by then almost 9 years clean and had extricated myself fully from the death spiral that was my cocaine addiction and rampant bulimia. You are showing self-love and self acceptance by staying clean your method sounds like it works..keep it in the minute if you have to as you say…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Caroline. I am grateful for my journey. I am learning so much. Learning to love myself has been a blessing and at times a struggle but it gets better as I get better. Thank you for your support and encouragement and for sharing your identification and experience as well. I appreciate that. Have a fantastic day.

      Like

  4. God has removed my brokenness and replaced it with my humanness. God has removed my despair and replaced it with my divinity. God has removed my fear of people and replaced it with my faith in principles. God has removed my self-rejection and replaced it with my self-respect. God has removed my unhappiness and replaced it with my joy!

    Liked by 1 person

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