It is important for me to never forget what it took for me to get to where I am today. My journey from active addiction to recovery was a long, hard uphill battle. I struggled with myself and fought tooth and nail to hold on to a belief system that was broken and outdated. Growing up with a false sense of pride and misdirection. I quickly became angry and resentful at any and everything that didn’t fit into my warped way of thinking 💭.
Feeling like no one understood me and feeling like I didn’t fit in anywhere I distanced myself from everyone. I was at a loss for words to describe how I felt. I couldn’t understand why I always felt alienated and like a outcast and I decided to stop trying. I created my own world. Fantasy Island. A place where nothing and no one else mattered. I finally found a place where I belonged. I locked🔒 myself away in a tower deep within my own mind. I didn’t realize that I sentenced myself to life in prison without the possibility of parole.
Life became a very lonely place. Isolation almost drove me to a death sentence. I have to admit that I was fine with it. I welcomed death in fact wished it upon myself many times. My journey was dark and loaded with desperation and despair. Little did I know then, but I was living a lie. I was being guided by a lower power that was trying to destroy me. It almost succeeded. I almost killed the wrong person.
I was granted a pardon when I found recovery. A reprieve from my self imposed death sentence. I make no mistake about it. I know it was devine intervention. I know that my Higher Power stepped in and changed the direction of my life. I cannot take any credit for getting here. I give thanks every day for this second/hundredth chance. I have learned so much and have so much more to learn. I am no longer able to use the excuses that I didn’t know. I cannot go back to not knowing. I am aware of the consequences of my actions and I know that it takes willingness and work to maintain my recovery on a daily basis.
If I choose to forget where I came from. I will choose to return to where I came from.
Peace and Blessings