REPOST: MARCH 2013


March 3, 2013

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.

GET BACK UP..AGAIN

Hello all and God bless.

I always start my day by thanking my higher power God for waking me and pray for guidance.

I dont always follow that guidance and for that I wind up paying a price.

I have always had a issue with being consistent. Lets face it. I have not been consistent with anything except using. I have been a failure at many things and so far my attempt at staying clean is following that pattern. I am failing.

Once again I am sitting here after a relapse saying why me. Asking myself why I continue to return to the scene of the crime. Why do I go back to using when I know the end results will always be the same.

I know what I need to do to stay clean and my track record shows that I can do what needs to be done for a short time. I have a 3-4 month lasting period and then I start falling off. I do other things and stop making meetings. I know better but do it anyway and before I know it ive screwed up again.

I have been running from my feelings all my life. Although I have gotten a little better this time around I have still not gotten to where I can face anything and still recover. Fear is my worse enemy.

I will never stop trying. I will continue to practice what I have learned and work harder at facing my fears. I have a disease that wants me dead and I need to learn how to live and stop helping my disease carry out its mission.

I wanted to keep this a secret because I am embarrassed to admit that I have done it AGAIN.  But keeping this secret has only kept me using and will keep me sick. Today I want to be honest and expose this so maybe I can get the help I truly need.

Recovery is not as easy as I thought it would be or should be. But using is a lot harder. I am not the BIG I AM. I struggle and stumble and fall down. But I will get up. I refuse to stay down and let my disease win. I dont know how to live without drugs but I do know a place to go so I can learn.

I will go back to the rooms. At least there I know I will be around people who understand what I am going through.

Thank you to all who have shown me love and support and those who have not given up on me.

Eric

One thought on “REPOST: MARCH 2013

  1. Yeah, never fear being honest. You I assume are a human and not an AI robot therefore you are designed to fail it is an human trait. Never beat yourself up about failing. Just accept what you done and while you are using you may as well enjoy it before getting back on the road to recovery. The road ahead is a rocky one so you may as well accept all that comes your way with an insight. Don’t let your failure define you bro. It is what it is. So what if you used, you mst have wanted to so fuck it right. Tomorrow you wake up and start again. Every single day is a new day and a new start. Stop getting so down when you use it is not the end of the world. You know where you want to be and in time you will get there. It bugs me to hear you be so down on yourself when you slip up. Just chill out with life bro. I know this was posted time ago but if you are still going through it then relax and take each day as it comes you will be OK. Peace and love my brother

    Liked by 1 person

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