93 DAYS CLEAN
Relapse is never an accident. Relapse is a sign that we have a reservation in our program.
Basic Text, p. 79
Just for today:
I will check for any reservations that may endanger my recovery and share them with another addict.
Hello and God Bless You.
Relapse is a part of my story. I have struggled with addiction for a long time. I never really took getting clean serious. I realize that any clean time I ever had was not recovery but abstinence. I was not using my drug of choice (D.O.C.) but was drinking and I had no program. No structure and no support system. I was just a situation away from picking up my D.O.C. and would always say if I get too stressed out Imma go smoke me one. Well before long I was smokin more than one and off to the races again.
I have a habit of making disaster relief plans that involve using until I can’t feel anything. I done this everytime something tragic happened in my life and even when situations weren’t that tragic. It used to be a coping mechanism to help deal with the pain. HA that’s the lie I’ve told myself for years. My so called coping mechanism turned on me and became such a problem that I couldn’t cope with anything anymore. But I kept using this as if it actually worked for me. I would run to D.O.C. anytime, everytime, anywhere and everywhere. It didn’t matter if I was feeling bad or good. Up or down. My reservation became my addiction and in the end became my nightmare.
Today first things first I live in the moment. I try very hard to stay in the here and now. Living just for today keeps me from worrying about what’s going to happen tomorrow and keeps me from making plans and setting up disaster relief plans. There are times that I catch myself thinking ahead and I know that its not always easy to stay in the here and now but I monitor my thinking and when it happens I nip it in the bud. I do not allow it to grow and start festering and turn into planning because my thinking always got me into trouble.
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Peace and Blessings