I have been noticing lately that I have been letting things bother me more than I should. I have been stressing and obsessing about things which I have no control over. I know the serenity prayer and I ask God to grant acceptance of things I cannot change but often I find myself wanting to do something to change certain situations that I have no control over. I am constantly faced with this problem at work. I have to deal with the public and there are times when I really want to give people a piece of the old me. I am struggling with this on a daily basis. I pray and it works for the most part but giving things up to God sometimes doesn’t seem to work. Its not that I doubt or have a lack of faith in God either. I know for a long time I did not believe in God. I blamed him for everything that ever went wrong in my life and this went on for the majority of my life. I do not feel that way today. I believe in God and I know that through him all things are possible. I know that he has brought me to recovery and he keeps me safe as long as I live by his will. I just struggle at times with it and I know that is the devil (my addiction) up to its old tricks to get me back.
I am and will always be sick but I don’t have to suffer. I am learning to monitor my actions and my behaviors and also my feelings. Sometimes my feelings get the best of me and I have to be careful because that is dangerous. I have a temper issue that has caused me many headaches in the past and I am working very hard to control it. I am not as bad as I used to be so I do not need anger management any more but it pops its ugly head every now and then. I have more control today than I ever did in the past thanks to my higher power.
I love writing in my blog and letting my feelings out on paper because it helps me to keep them in check. I also appreciate the feedback that I get because it gives me something to look at. I know myself better today because of working the steps and making meetings and being able to share and dump all the bad things but also talk about the good things too. I know that things will get better as long as I continue to practice what I am learning and applying it to my everyday life.
Ok that’s enough crying and complaining for one minute..Lol
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Peace and Blessings.