REPOST: JANUARY 18, 2013

PRACTICING PATIENCE

Good morning and God bless.

I always start my day with thanking God for waking me and praying for guidance and knowledge of his will for me. I have been blessed to have made it back to recovery and for that I am truly grateful.
There are times though that I take my will back and become impatient when I feel that I am deserving of something and it is not happening on my timetable. I begin to get frustrated and display attitudes that are less than positive.

I thank my higher power and the knowledge I have gained from the NA fellowship for being able to recognize this. I know that this is a process and I should not expect to change everything over night.

Its just not a reality that after years of using and actively practicing negative attitudes and behaviors that have become a way of life that I can change over night to being all positive all the time.

I want what I want when I want it was a way of life for me. The self centeredness, the impatient attitude, the non caring was how I lived for years. I know this now but had no clue in my active addiction.  I know there will be times when I fall short. Times when I will take my will back. Times when I will think its all about me. But I also know that its not the way I choose to live today. I know its NOT all about me and my wants and needs.

I am grateful today that I can recognize this character defect. That I can and will choose to correct it once I realize my behavior.  I am grateful also that just for today I dont have to beat myself up because I made a mistake or because I am living my will again.

All I have to do is continue to practice patience and continue to practice correcting myself when I fall short. I do not have to get upset and bent out of shape. Just take a deep breath and pray that I get better at it.

Change is not easy. Change does not come overnight.  But as long as I continue to practice patience,  Change will come.

Peace and blessings.

Eric Ease

REPOST: JANUARY 31, 2012

EXCEPT THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE

74 DAYS CLEANHello and God Bless You.

I have been noticing lately that I have been letting things bother me more than I should. I have been stressing and obsessing about things which I have no control over. I know the serenity prayer and I ask God to grant acceptance of things I cannot change but often I find myself wanting to do something to change certain situations that I have no control over. I am constantly faced with this problem at work. I have to deal with the public and there are times when I really want to give people a piece of the old me. I am struggling with this on a daily basis. I pray and it works for the most part but giving things up to God sometimes doesn’t seem to work. Its not that I doubt or have a lack of faith in God either. I know for a long time I did not believe in God. I blamed him for everything that ever went wrong in my life and this went on for the majority of my life. I do not feel that way today. I believe in God and I know that through him all things are possible. I know that he has brought me to recovery and he keeps me safe as long as I live by his will. I just struggle at times with it and I know that is the devil (my addiction) up to its old tricks to get me back.

I am and will always be sick but I don’t have to suffer. I am learning to monitor my actions and my behaviors and also my feelings. Sometimes my feelings get the best of me and I have to be careful because that is dangerous. I have a temper issue that has caused me many headaches in the past and I am working very hard to control it. I am not as bad as I used to be so I do not need anger management any more but it pops its ugly head every now and then. I have more control today than I ever did in the past thanks to my higher power.

I love writing in my blog and letting my feelings out on paper because it helps me to keep them in check. I also appreciate the feedback that I get because it gives me something to look at. I know myself better today because of working the steps and making meetings and being able to share and dump all the bad things but also talk about the good things too. I know that things will get better as long as I continue to practice what I am learning and applying it to my everyday life.

Ok that’s enough crying and complaining for one minute..Lol

Thank you for reading today’s blog.

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Peace and Blessings.

NAM

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

happy

It’s been a long time since I had a reason to think about Valentines Day. I remember seeing the commercials on TV for jewelry or chocolates or flowers and saying some pretty mean and nasty things. I was bitter, angry, frustrated and resentful to say the least. I hated the day and everyone else for being happy. Loneliness and isolation will do that to you. Needless to say it was just another day for me. Another day to be miserable about my life and how it turned out. Another day to blame everyone but myself for my circumstances. Just another day to be mean and spiteful. Just another day to use to try to escape my reality.

I am grateful that I do not feel that way today. For the last couple of years I celebrated loving myself on Valentines Day. I took the opportunity to treat myself to chocolates and a movie or whatever else. No I did not buy myself flowers or jewelry…Lol. I know someone out there was asking themselves that question. Although I did not have a girlfriend at the time I turned to myself and showed love. I have to admit. It was not the same as having someone to share with. But it worked out just fine.

This year I am happy to say that I have found the love of my life. I have someone to share this day with and the rest of my life with as well. We will have many Valentines Days and many new beginnings and special days, months and years together. I spent the holidays with my lady and even though I had been sick from Christmas through New Years running a fever, cold chills, sneezing, body aches and temperatures ranging from semi normal to 103 degrees. We had a wonderful time together and we made the best of it. She took great care of me and I appreciate her all the more for the time we spent together and apart. We have lots of fun together. We laugh and joke, we talk, we go out, we travel, we communicate and we love each other for who we are. We do not try to change each other. We accept each other for who we are and respect each others opinions and views. I am grateful that my higher power saw fit to bring us together and I am thankful that she has the ability to see me coming at times and not let that get in the way. She is a wonderful woman and I am blessed to have her in my life.

So I will take this moment to acknowledge her in my blog the way I acknowledge her in my life.

Thank you for being in my life. I love you sweetheart.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. MUAAAAAAAH.