REPOST FEBRUARY 13, 2015


STRUGGLING NOT TO COMPARE

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I have been practicing having empathy for others. I try to put myself in their shoes and understand what they are going through. But I am struggling in certain areas when it comes to being completely able to feel their pain.

Sometimes I find myself thinking are they fucking serious. Get over that bullshit. My God that’s whats bothering you. Sometimes I compare what I have had to endure to what others are going through and I get judgemental. I find that I brush off some of the things people go through because in my mind its small potatoes. I don’t think of it as being all that serious.

In my active addiction I have been void of any feelings for a long time. For me there was only 2 ways to deal with things I learned to stuff my feelings or explode. I never knew a healthy way to express my frustration or my happiness. All I ever knew was fuck you and your feelings. I damn sure didn’t want to hear about your problems, I had enough of my own. I learned not to show emotions because it made you look weak. So I became cold, distant and detached. Isolation became my way of life and I thought I was happy being alone.

I have come to realize that I do not like being alone, I do not like acting like I don’t care about others, I do not like stuffing my feelings or exploding because I stuff my feelings. I don’t like to be so cold. I like to be there for others and having them be there for me.

But sometimes I wonder if I am really built for caring about others. I know that’s my disease trying ONCE AGAIN to disqualify me. To make me think that I am not capable of caring and that I don’t  really care. I am so grateful that I can recognize the symptoms today.

I NEED TO CONTINUE TO PRACTICE IDENTIFYING AND NOT COMPARE.

I AM A GRATEFUL WORK IN  PROGRESS.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

3 thoughts on “REPOST FEBRUARY 13, 2015

  1. Hey Eric..love this and love you! ..first let me say that there are times when all of us have felt the way you describe. Don’t allow the disease to have that kind of power to make you FEEL any kind of way, least of all..uncaring. Phfft! We do not have to agree with everyone and how they are “feeling” about whatever circumstance that life is throwing at them. And, sure, I may handle a situation different than you…but that’s okay. You don’t have to agree with what I say, support what I say or even like what I say..lol but you still have the ability to relate to what I’m saying. Although you may be unable to sympathize with my dilemma and/or think I’ve totally lost it with how I dealt with the situation or whatever..You can still empathize. Give yourself a break, If you lacked the ability to care for yourself and others? Good possibility you wouldn’t be here in today, writing this blog to share with others like myself, Just the fact that you share the feelings of another, tells me that at some point in your life..perhaps your feelings were similar. Let me just add too , I had to quit comparing myself to other people. I would say things to myself like; Dang, jen, you’ve never used needles or robbed others money etc…trying to convince myself that I didn’t qualify as an addict because my DOC came from a prescription! HA, it’s funny now and good thing I didn’t feed into or live in that denial but a minute. You are fine my friend..we have all compared ourselves then became judgemental. ..just don’t stay there. It truly is a slap in God’s face if “I” think for a hot second that I am better than, more than, way better than..etc…we are all unique with specific talents, gifts and abilities. Big HUGZS Eric. p.s. We are not put on this earth to see thru one another; but, to see one another thru. And the best part about dealing with difficult people or one who’s opinion or method you disagree with? the greatest blessing of this is knowing that I don’t have to be like them, I don’t have to act like them and I certainly don’t have to react to them..but just pray for them. xojen

    Liked by 1 person

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