85 DAYS CLEANWe have become very grateful in the course of our recovery….
We have a disease, but we do recover.
Basic Text, p. 8

Just for today:
I will accept the fact of my disease, and pursue the blessing of my recovery.

Hello and God Bless You.

Grateful I am.

I don’t even know where to begin to express my gratitude for the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous. How do you describe the gratitude to someone or something that has saved your life. Well I am learning how to express it by giving back what was so freely given to me and by continuing to do the work on myself so I do not go back out there. When I heard it said that addiction is a disease I couldn’t believe it. I always thought of a disease being like cancer or diabetes you know something  you have to take medication for, end up in the hospital and then you die. But when they said I have a disease it blew my mind. I was happy though to know that I wasn’t totally insane for continually doing the same thing and not having any control over my actions. The longer I stay in this process and the more I apply the principals to my everyday life the more I begin to understand some of the insanity. It is a process not a race not an event but a process. One day at a time I do and will continue to recover.

With that being said I also have to say that this is a disease that I have to live with for the rest of my life. Unlike other diseases where you take medication and eventually might or might not get better there is no medication to take for addiction, (Ha if there was I would probably get addicted to it.) No instead I am in a fight for my life and the only medication is the footwork. I make meetings daily, where I talk about the things I am feeling, thinking, went through in the past and am going through right now. I share and I listen to others share. I know I am in the right place when I go to meetings because I always hear something that reminds me that I am not alone. I always find someone who shares something that I can relate to. We find common ground in meetings. I have a sponsor who guides me through the process, he helps me when I do not understand something or and going through something. He guides me on my step work and we have a lot in common as well. He is not only my sponsor but I consider him my friend. He has saved my life and I am grateful to him as well as the fellowship. I also have a network which continues to grow on a daily basis. I have 2 networks. I have my home group and the people I meet in meetings here in NY and I have a network of recovering addicts online that I chat with on a daily basis. I have my Facebook group called FROM STRUGGLE TO STRENGTH. I am also a member in a few other groups which I will not name but I have met some fantastic people who help me in my recovery and I help them as well. It is such a great feeling to have so many friends who all want the same thing. Instead of having a bunch of fake ass friends who only want 1 thing. Recovery is a blessing and I am so damn grateful that I have found it.

Now anybody who has ever struggled to get clean knows that staying clean is not easy. I am no different. I didn’t just walk in the rooms of NA and magically become this open minded, honest and willing person. It took some work and quite a few tries. I relapsed several times, and I was fortunate enough to make it back. Using is not a game and it can end my life at any given minute when I choose to use. Today I choose to live Gods will for me. I used to always do things my way and I always got what I always got.

MISERY 10X OVER.

Today I choose to live Gods will and not my own. One day at a time I pray for the knowledge and strength and for guidance to continue to live in a positive and productive way.

Thank you for reading today’s blog.

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Peace and Blessings.

NAM

Reposted from February 11, 2012