BACK TO THE BASICS


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I have been going through a roller coaster of emotions lately. I’ve been feeling angry, depression, happy, sad, frustrated and even cried a couple of times. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me and found myself suffering in silence. I was fearful of sharing this with others. Which is crazy because I usually am so open with sharing what I am going through.

I did a self inventory this morning and realized a couple of things. First off let me tell you that my addiction has been very active the last couple of days. I have been displaying old attitudes and behaviors. I have not been sleeping well and like I said earlier not sharing it. My addiction had me keeping it a secret and we all know secrets kill. So upon taking my inventory I realized that I haven’t been working my program. I have not been taking a active roll in my recovery. I’ve been skipping meetings, not reading my literature or reaching out to other people in my network. I’ve been isolating and putting other people, places and things ahead of my recovery.

All of the things mentioned are red flags and I didn’t realize how easily I slipped backwards. I didn’t even see my addiction coming. It manifested itself in the form of me actively pursuing a better future and rocked me right to sleep in the here and now. I thought it was because I am cleaning house and trashing a lot of my belongings, but it was deeper than that. A lot deeper. I am grateful that I noticed a change in my behavior before it became too late. I am thankful to the people closest to me that point out things and make me take a look at myself. I am thankful for the program and the process of recovery. Without it I would not have been able to spot the problem nor do anything about it. I would have continued on the slippery slope until tragedy struck and I would’ve been off to the races again and all bets were off.

Recovery and the beautiful men and women in it have taught me a few things in the past 2 years and 3 months. I feel a sense of gratitude every time I think of how far I’ve come. I am only scratching the surface right now and have lots to learn in this life long process. But thank God I am learning and not continuing to make the same mistakes. I know what to do today. I have the tools and a support system today. I will make a new commitment to myself and my recovery.

Just for today. I will get back to the basics.

Peace and blessings

Eric Ease

7 thoughts on “BACK TO THE BASICS

  1. Pingback: THE POWER OF THE GROUP – FROM STRUGGLE TO STRENGTH

  2. Dear Eric, I can sooo relate. I fell ill in September with new health issues, more in November and then took a fall right before Christmas. My sponsor had a mini-stroke and implied I should get another. I was just trying my best to get thru the dreaded holidays!! My meeting attendance began slipping, and all other daily recovery vigilance began to suffer as well. It wasn’t that I thought “I’ve got this”, however, recovery was taking a back seat. I have heard many times from those fortunate to come back from a relapse the exact same: I stopped going to meetings. It was a few weeks ago when a gal asked me to sponsor her and I said NO, first time. It just didn’t feel right…kinda like the blind leading the blind. Since then I asked a friend in another state to sponsor me until I find one locally. I’m doing another Forth Step again, this time from the booklet and it’s been quite an eye opening experience. We have come to far AND have a responsibility to share our experiences and message of hope. My favorite reading says: “When at the end of the road, we all face the same dillema..jails, institutions or death or find a new way to live. However, it DOES NOT say that we get to pick the order. Stay Blessed my friend and thank you for all you do for myself and many others. _/l\_ jen

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    • Exactly Jen. I too have said the same thing when I came back from relapse. I stopped making meetings. So I know better. I am grateful that this process has taught me that I can start my day over, take a daily inventory and not to dwell on the past. I have been slacking in the inventory department but thankful that when I did I was able to recognize and take corrective action. All too often I did the opposite and got the same results. Jails and institutions are a part of my story and your are so right we do not get to pick the order. I used to think that I would die a addict until I came to recovery and I will be damn if I go back out there and let death become a reality now. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us Jen. I pray that your health is better and that you are able to continue doing the work with your new sponsor. Please continue to share and stay connected because as we both know a addict alone is in bad company. I need you my friend. Thanks for your support and encouragement and I pray that I am able to do the same for you. Have a awesome day.

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  3. Hey Eric: I am so glad, and I Praise God that you have people close to you, who can tell when things are a little off balance for you. That is so important, as I know you realize.
    Honestly, it does not take me by surprise though. You were doing well, and things were going so good for you, then whammo.
    The same things can happen in our Christian walk, following Christ. Life is going along great, no major problems or setbacks there, and then all of a sudden, another whammo. We get hit right between the eyes, and don’t even realize it right away.
    That is why it is imperative to have an accountability group or partner, groups like you are involved in etc. The positive way to look at this experience now, is how you will be able to share with others as they walk along the road you are on. You can give warnings of what may,(basically will) happen in life somewhere, and then you can be one of the people there to step in, tell them what you see, how you have been there, and guide them back onto the right road again.
    Congratulations Eric, on having your friends, heeding what they say to you, realizing what has happened, and taking the steps to get back on track, back to basics. Proud of you my friend. Keep on Keeping on. God’s Blessings Eric.

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    • Absolutely George. It is very important to have support groups in place to help you when you cannot see that you actually need the help. I am forever grateful for the handful of people in my life that know me well enough to see when I am a little off. I truly believe in the philosophy of one cannot keep it unless one gives it away so I look forward to the days when I am able to share my experiences with others and help them the way many others have helped me. Thank you as always George. I truly appreciate your kind words, support, encouragement, friendship and insight. I am grateful that we have established a relationship online. Have a great day my friend.

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