A couple of days ago I posted about going to a detox unit to share my experience, strength and hope. I talked about how gratifying the experience was and how satisfied I was when I left there. I remembered what it was like sitting in those seats oh so many times myself and how I never utilized the life saving information that the members of H&I were so freely sharing. I remember it like it was yesterday when I was there sharing and I even felt a little saddened about how long it took for me to get this message.The sad feeling was very short lived. I am learning to love myself today and not dwell in the mistakes of my past. The truth is I just was not ready. I was in denial of my addiction and would not have made it here any sooner. I know today that I cannot allow the pain and misery of my past to dictate my actions today. I can only live for the moment.
So in living for the moment, I was thinking about different things that I want to do with my life in this moment. After going into the detox it got me to thinking that this would be the perfect thing for me to do right now. I would like to find out more about doing service in Hospitals & Institutions. I expressed this thought with my sponsor, my woman and some of my network who encouraged me to go for it. They reinforced what I was already feeling, that this would be the perfect opportunity for me to give back and help carry the message. To be able to share recovery with those who are not able to make meetings. It will also benefit me and help in my recovery process. It will help me to continue to grow and become more responsible. After all I cannot keep it unless I give it away.
So with all that being said I decided to take action. I went to the H&I Subcommittee meeting today and observed the atmosphere. I spoke to some people who knew that I wanted to get involved before and told them that I was ready. I was introduced to the coordinator and got some more information. I was able to make a decision and I am now a member of the training track for H&I. I am extremely excited about doing service on this level. I feel like this will be a good fit for me and look forward to learning the procedures and policies of Hospitals & Institutions. I look forward to having this commitment and doing it to the best of my ability. This is a step up from doing service on the group level which I have done since becoming a member of the fellowship.
Growth involves change and this is just another step in the ladder towards that change. That means stepping out of my comfort zone. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to do service for a program that has changed my life for the better.
I have been trying to find what it is that I want to do lately as you all know. I have been running myself ragged thinking, thinking and more thinking but wasn’t putting forth any action.Then I had made a decision to focus more on my blog and start posting, reading and commenting more. Getting back to the basics of why I started my blog in the first place but also wanting to take it to new levels. I have been reading new blogs and posting comments, following new blogs and reaching out to other blogs that are not recovery oriented as well. I also have been promoting my blog on social media outlets and even inviting guest bloggers to submit articles about their own experiences in this wonderful journey of recovery.
I feel good because I said I wanted to do something and I focused on doing it and but forth the action required. I have been talking a lot about doing this or that but not putting the action behind my words and I was feeling a little stagnated. I was stuck in a old but familiar place. Comfortable in being in a safe place. A zone of taking no risks so I would not be disappointed. Safe in the zone of fear of moving forward for fear of failure. That old attitude and behavior that kept me sick for so, so long. I thank my support system for all the encouragement and love that they have given me over the last 2 years. I would not be where I am today if I had continued to try to do this alone.
I know all to well what happens when I begin to feel that I should not try to do new things. The old thinking creeps back in and tries to convince me that I am not worthy of any of the gifts that await me and that I should not try to move on my ideas, dreams and goals because I will just fail and feel miserable all over again. Well to those thoughts I say
KICK ROCKS WITH FLIP FLOP
I am a different person today. I am not that same old scared to do anything person. Today I look forward to moving out of my comfort zone and although it is difficult at times I want something better for myself and I have to move in order to get it. If I stay stuck in yesteryear I will get those same stale results. I want fresh new results and I am determined to see them come to fruition.
I have a wonderful woman in my life today and she is truly amazing. She has the spark that I have been missing and I draw from her energy. She is her own woman and is very independent. (I Love That). My woman is starting a new journey and it really has been an eye opener. I watch her and the enthusiasm that she displays and it motivates me to want to do better. She’s smart, sexy, has determination and a vision. She has goals and she is not afraid to go after them. She is definitely a go getter. Boss Lady. I love her and I want to do whatever it takes to make our dreams a reality. I know that whatever we decide to do, wherever we decide to go we as a team can make anything happen. I look forward to having a partner to grow with and to build with. This is new territory and if I was to say it’s not a little scary I would be lying. But fear will not stand in the way of my happiness. Not today.
I truly believe that this is my time. I can feel it and for me to just sit back and watch it slip away again would be a tragedy and a waste of another perfect opportunity. I think I’ve done that enough in my lifetime. The time for action is now.
I am experiencing some of these right now in my life. I am so grateful.