When I first came into recovery I looked for the easy way out. I looked for any and all the loop holes. I wanted my recovery handed to me on a silver platter. I was so used to taking the easy way that I became lazy. I wouldn’t do anything that required too much effort.
Thinking back, my addiction was anything but easy. It was a full time struggle. It was work and it took plenty of energy and effort to pay such a high price to live so low.
So naturally I came into recovery with distorted thinking patterns. I thought that I would get help so I could use easier. I thought I would get to see a doctor and talk to a psychiatrist. Lol. I told you distorted thinking patterns. I quickly found out that I wouldn’t be receiving that kind of help in this type of environment. I was discouraged at first but I kept coming. I knew that they were lying and I was determined to get in on what they were obviously trying to hide from me.
The more I kept coming the more I began to understand what the program was all about. I was still resistant and made my process a lot harder than it had to be. Once I stopped resisting and I was finally able to surrender. I was able to reap the benefits of recovery. The real work had yet to begin but I was feeling hopeful about being able to stay clean. My road to recovery has not been easy. I have discovered things about myself and I struggled with acceptance. Denial ran very deep. I covered up a lot in my years of active addiction and now I am learning how to deal with the feelings and heal from the past.
It’s a journey. At times I want to give up. But when I think about what I have gained so far and what I have yet to gain. I know giving up would be a major mistake. I’ve made some pretty bad decisions in my life time, but the best decision I ever made was to give myself a break. Staying connected to the people in recovery has provided me with a opportunity to live a life beyond my wildest dreams. Staying clean is not easy.. But it’s well worth it.
Everyday is not magically delicious and in life I will always have ups and downs. But my worse day in recovery is way better than my best day using.
That’s a fact.
Peace and blessings