For a long time I struggled to find my true identity. Thinking back to as far as my elementary school days, I wished I was someone else. Who ever I thought I was back then I didn’t like so I began to mimic what I thought I liked in other people. And so began the long life of deception and deceit.
Somewhere, somehow I believed that I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t smart enough, brave enough, handsome enough. That no one would ever like someone like me. I have negative self talked myself from the beginning. That negativity aimed towards myself eventually led to my lack of self worth and self love.
Fast forward to today.
As I am beginning to shed some of the many masks, alter egos and false identities. I am forced to feel my feelings and not run from them I am feeling like that lost little boy all over again. Vulnerable and confused. Awkward and a misfit. I find that I am not seeking comfort from within but from the outside. From material things and from acceptance of others. The same behavior that led me to using drugs.
I know that I will never find true happiness, Love or satisfaction from anyone unless I can find it within myself first. I did a lot of damage to myself over the years and I am aware that I will fall short at times. I just have to continue on my road to recovery knowing that I will be alright in the long run.
Change happens over time.
Not over night.
So I keep repeating to myself that I love myself, respect myself and I am worthy.
So will the real Eric please stand up.
Peace and Blessings