I remember how hard it was for me to say No and to mean it. I could never say it and that be the end of it.  I would say No and then turn right back around and give in to the temptation of whatever it was I was saying No to.

For instance.

I have said over a million times that I would just do one. But could not say No to the thoughts of getting more. No sooner than the thought occurred I would say I’m not going to do it and then before I knew it. I was doing it. I was out there searching for that next one.

I still struggle with denying myself things today. Telling myself No is difficult and I usually cave in without a fuss or fight. The obsession and compulsion to fill that empty space is causing me to still act out in ways that continue to have a negative impact. Always searching for that instant gratification. The high I get from it feels good at the moment. But there is always that low feeling I get afterwards. That crash and burn feeling. That damn I did it again feeling.

I am learning that It’s another form of using. I am not using drugs but I am using shopping, smoking, eating, women and speeding just to name a few. All of the above give me a certain rush. All of the above give me good feelings for a few seconds. I know before hand that I shouldn’t do it. I contemplate the end results, tell myself that I am not going to do it. Then do it anyway and wind up feeling angry and resentful afterwards.

I try to blame others if possible but when the smoke clears and I take a honest look at it. I have no one to blame but myself. I knew what it was before I got into it and proceeded to do it anyway. I am still practicing insane attitudes and  behaviors. I cannot continue to use the fact that I am new in recovery as a excuse.

Because when I know better. I am supposed to do better.

So I will make a commitment to honestly practice saying No and sticking to it. Not for 2 seconds and then flip flop. But to make a conscious effort to stick to my guns. Get better at denying myself and having some discipline. I know that change doesn’t happen over night but over time. I also know that if nothing changes then nothing will change.

I will keep you updated on my progress.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease


    • Im doing great. I have been very busy with work, and dealing with life on life terms. Haven’t had much time to write but I am off today. I will definitely get a couple of posts in. Thank you for checking in. I appreciate that. Have a fantastic day ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Good Afternoon Eric! Oh the struggle of self discipline… I find it very hard to say NO and stick to it as well. Buying unneeded clothing is a big one for me. I have stuff hanging in my closet that I bought at the beginning of the Summer and haven’t worn. Then I justify by saying “well you bought it from the animal rescue site, so you fed a shelter pet or well you bought it from the veterans site so you helped a homeless vet”. This may be true but I shouldn’t go on spending sprees when I’m only working part-time. Thanks for the reminder to work on self-discipline. Just for today I won’t spend money I don’t really have.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Vicky. Thanks for sharing your identification. It is very difficult at times to just say no. I am just like you and will justify and rationalize why I deserve it. Lol. It’s practice not perfection right. One day sometimes one minute at a time. Have a blessed day my friend. ☺


  2. Ahh yes Eric, that unmanageability that you speak of only further proves that the “drugs” are just a symptom of the disease of addiction. I can certainly be unmanageable without the use of drugs….look at my credit card statement is all the proof I need. I have been telling myself this..yes, that new pair of shoes may feel good for a day or two, the new car..maybe six months…but it is still material bs, and as you stated, always fades, That is why “true happiness always comes from within”. Learning to love me, is an excellent starting place. I am way better than I used to be, however, not quite where I want to be. Sooo…now I think, Do you want this or NEED it?? also, I remind myself of one other thing….”Jen..no no no..you’re just robbing your future self”!! ….Peace and Blessings, HUGZS

    Liked by 3 people

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