I remember saying.
I am not addicted.
I don’t have a problem.
I can stop any time I want to.
Then when I realized that I was addicted, that I did have a problem and I couldn’t stop using. I still had excuses. I’m not as bad as what’s his name. I will get help when the summers over, next week. Blah, blah, blah.
I was always waiting for the right time. For the right situation or circumstances. For someone to come and save me. For some miracle to happen to make me stop. Procrastination was my middle name. Backed by fear It was never the right time to do the right thing for the right reasons. So the longer I continued to put it off the longer I continued to suffer.
Fear still plays a part in my life in recovery. I still suffer from and struggle with procrastination. I know certain areas that I want to change and continue to put it off. I say I will work on it but I put forth minimal effort if any effort at all. Talk the talk but do not take the steps towards it.
So I expose it here and I expose it in meetings and with my network. The reason being it helps give me that extra push. I let others know so they can help me. Because if no one knows who I am and what my problem is then how can I get the help that I need.
Nobody can do it for me. I have to do it for myself. But I also realize that I need help. The wait is over and the time is now. I will reach out and be open to receive the help that I need.
Peace and Blessings