WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE BETTER.


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I hear this question a lot. I have read articles posing this question. My mother asked me this question and people from my blog have also asked this question. I cannot speak for anyone else but for me and my situation.

It is easy for parents to take the blame for their child’s behavior and think that they did something wrong. I guess it’s that parental instinct or maybe it’s guilt. I don’t know. I had to tell my mom years ago. It’s not your fault. The choices I made had nothing to do with her or something she did or did not do.

I was raised in a home with love and affection. I was properly raised with respect, care and concern and to know right from wrong. I went to school, I know how to read, write do arithmetic among other things. My parents did a great job raising me.

They weren’t prepared for and couldn’t understand why I chose to do the things that I did. I had to let her know.
It’s not you. It’s me.

I made the choice to do the things I did. I made the choice to run with the wrong crowds and to experiment with drugs and alcohol. I knew right from wrong. I was taught that. I was warned against using drugs and hanging out with the people that I chose to call friends. I made all of those decisions. Albeit bad decisions they were still all my decisions.

I had to make her understand that no matter what you did or tried to do. It wouldn’t have made a difference. I was searching for something that I thought was missing. Searching for my own identity trying to figure out where I fit in. I was on a mission and the more she tried to help the more I resisted and drifted further away.

I didn’t know then what I know now about my addiction. I still know very little but can share my experiences so far and some of the connections that I am making along this journey in recovery.

I was suffering from addiction long before I ever picked up my first drug or drink. I suffered from low self esteem and a nagging sense of being a misfit. I thought I knew what was best for me and even when what my parent’s said came true. I couldn’t admit it. I wouldn’t let them see that they were right and I was wrong. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t admit defeat. Even at the high cost of my low living I still fought tooth and nail to the bitter end.

No matter what anyone tried, said or did. I would not listen or stop. I had to come to a point of complete defeat and want the help. That was a decision that I had to make for myself. No one could make me stop until I was completely ready to do so for me. That is how I finally made it to recovery. I just couldn’t take the pain any longer. I couldn’t stand myself anymore. I was truly sick and tired.
I made a decision.

I surrendered.

I asked for help.

I say this because a addict will not stop using until he or she is ready. Not because of anything else.
Recovery is an inside job.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

6 thoughts on “WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE BETTER.

  1. Well had to some over and see what’s SUP?

    And as usual, you have many words of “wisdom” . . .

    You have an old soul at a young age. And your exactly right about parents. Mine were a bit heavy handed, but we also were taught right from wrong.

    There are many reasons why we make a choice down a dark path. Had nothing to do with my shitty childhood. I was the one who used gambling and alcohol to escape that old pain haunting me. Until I learned there was help for PTSD and childhood trauma. And that recovery was knocking. Put we have to do the work, and we have to be the ones to choose a better way of life. Not try to do it for something or someone else. Awesome post Eric. XOXO

    Catherine

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Eric, good words as always. We each are responsible for our decisions, the good and the bad. We choose what we do and don’t do. We choose we we stop doing some things and start others, good or bad.
    Praying that any people, young, middle age, or any age, will somehow connect with your blog BEFORE they make a poor choice in their life.
    Keep up the good work my Friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • True indeed George. I blamed people for my problems for years and I was the only one who was responsible for my problems. My actions have reprecussions and used to have damaging results. I am grateful for the transition into recovery. I pray the same George I really do. I would love for more people to connect with my blog and hopefully get something useful out of it. I will continue to write and pray. Have a great eveinging my friend.

      Like

  3. So true we will NOT stop until we are ready. I know I certainly wasn’t going to stop because someone else said to. Just yesterday my step-mom told me that her x-husband asked her how they were going to “fix” my alcoholic step-sister. There is nothing for anyone else to “fix”. It’s all up to the addict/alcoholic to make a decision to completely surrender and seek the help. My family was certainly supportive and helped me but they damn sure couldn’t “fix” me. Thanks for another great blog to read.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Absolutely Vicky there is no fix. I just want people to understand and stop blaming themselves for something they have no control over. Once the individual has had enough amazing things will happen until then there is literally nothing anyone can do or say that will make a addict stop using. Unfortunately it has to come from them. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us Vicky. As always I appreciate your input, indentification, support and encouragement. Have a wonderful evening. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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