I remember sacrificing the principals I was taught as a child so I could fit in. I ran with the wrong crowds and wanted to do what they did. I knew that it was wrong, but I wanted to be liked. I just wanted to be down.

I remember my parents  warning me against the things I was doing and telling me what would happen. I was so stubborn and full of myself. I thought I knew everything and they didn’t have a clue as to what they were talking about.

I thought that those so called friends cared about me. I thought that they had my back. I listened to them and ignored my parents. I turned my back on my family and turned to the streets. I thought they loved me and understood me.

I found out the hard way that the streets had no love for me. Those same fake ass friends turned their backs on me or stabbed me in the back every chance they got. I was hurt,  devastated to say the least.

Anger became my friend. I  turned my back on everyone. I couldn’t trust people anymore. I sank into depression and my using escalated to new heights. Needless to say my addiction stored and the rest was history.

I am starting over in recovery. I am attempting to establish new friendships. Healthy relationships. I have to be honest. I am having difficulty with opening myself up to people. I don’t like the vulnerability and the awkwardness I feel and I  am uncomfortable most of the time. I lack the trust needed and I am having difficulty finding the willingness to let go of the past in this area.

I know that this is a process and change doesn’t happen overnight. I know this and I also know that not everyone I meet is meant to be in my life. I will take my time and when I am comfortable I will move forward.

Until then
I will continue to be alone rather than sacrifice my principles and be in bad company. I can do bad all by myself.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

8 thoughts on “I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MYSELF

  1. I can totally relate as well. I was raised in a strong Christian family with good parents. It’s amazing how far we sink while in addiction. I’m so grateful God saw fit to give me another chance at life and recovery. My recent years were the worst relapse I ever had. I know now I must work in my recovery every day for the rest of my life. Jesus had been my friend when I had no others.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Addiction has made my life unbearable. Recovery has brought me back from the dead. I am forever grateful. Thank you for sharing your identification. I appreciate that. I am happy that you have found a way out as well. Have a blessed day.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey Eric, always good to see a blog of yours Bud. That quote of G.W. Is so true and right on. That is what gets so many young people in trouble, older people too actually, the fear of being alone. That fear escalates then because many fear being spoken of, and pointed at, as having no friends so they latch onto anyone nearby.
    It takes a brave man to take that step to stand alone when necessary Eric, and you are one of those brave men.
    The way you have opened yourself up via your blog shows strength and bravery also. I would not be surprised if you heard negative and put down remarks from some because of your new life. Thank you for not changing nor falling back nor letting nay-sayers get to you.
    Keep up the good fight, the good work, the positive messages you spread. And continue to trust God to carry you through. God’s Blessings my Friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes. The peer pressure and those feelings of loneliness and just wanting to be a part of something can lead to a magnitude of trouble. I have been in those shoes and it’s not a good feeling. I have also been told I’ve changed and that I think I am better than now. It’s not that I think I am better than. I that I know I am better off. I have too much to lose today to go back to that life just to fit in. I am Grateful that God saw fit to save me from all of that. I know he hasn’t brought me this far to just leave me hanging. Thank you George for your continued support, encouraging words and for always being there. I truly appreciate you my friend.

      Liked by 2 people

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