I remember how hard it was for me to get clean. I can remember plenty of nights crying myself to sleep. (When I could sleep) I was so distraught, desperate and just beat down. I was at my lowest and thought I would die like this. I remember wishing that day would hurry up and come. I remember wanting to expedite that result because it was taking too long.

I remember where I came from. I keep it fresh in my mind so I will never forget it. I share it constantly as a reminder of where I can return to. It only takes a second. One wrong decision. One drink or drug. I will be right back in the grips. The never ending cycle. The desperation,   The isolation, The degradation. The Loneliness and Despair. It only takes one. I know this today.

I used to get frustrated and angry because I felt I should be somewhere further along than I was. I was trying to rush my process looking for quick results in short periods of time. I realize today how damaging that was to my recovery. My addiction made me feel that the process wasn’t working. Instead of me looking at how far I had come, I was focusing on how far I had to go and why it was taking so long.

My disease played me right back out the door.

Starting over wasn’t easy. I was very hard on myself. It took some time and some help from my Higher Power and from those in my Network but I eventually was able to learn to forgive myself and allow myself my process. To allow myself to grow at my pace in my own time. I stopped comparing myself to others. I started to compare myself to where I came from. I was able to start seeing the growth. The change was there all I had to do was look inside myself. Not outside at everybody else.

I started from the bottom and now I am here. I am right where I am supposed to be.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease


    • Thanks. I am trying. No, I am doing and I am grateful to be able to share the hope that I have received in my process. Thank you sooo much Nadine. You have inspired me on many occasions. ☺☺


  1. I finally came to the point where I knew with all my being that just one would put me right back. Maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but it will lead me back to the bottom. I remember a woman saying “the first drink will get me drunk”. I thought “who the hell gets drunk on one drink”. Now I understand that concept. One drink, one drug and I’m off to the races, sometimes it happened right a way and other times it took a week. Bottom line is one drink or one drunk & I’m at the bottom yet again. I don’t want the bottom any more.


    • Absolutely. That first one will never end. Until I reach jail, institutions or tap out. I am unwilling to find out. Thanks for sharing, for your support and encouragement and for your identification. WE are never alone. πŸ™‚


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