SELF MADE PRISON. TIME FOR PAROLE


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I had a great time fellowshipping with my people at The Waldorf Astoria this weekend. It was an awesome experience and one that I will never forget.

But to be honest it was a little lonely. It could have been so much more if I could only reach out to others. I am missing out on interactions with so many people from all over the world.

FEAR of rejection, of sounding or acting like a fool, or fear that people will use and abuse my trust again. Fear has paralyzed me for years. I have been stuck in my self made prison for so long that even now CLEAN. I am still suffering from the damage done. I still feel inadequate and struggle with low self esteem. I have a unhealthy fear of reaching out to people and making new friends because of past hurts. I have to leave that where it belongs and move forward.
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I see people who can talk to strangers, strike up conversations with them at the drop of a dime and make new friends. I wish I was able to do that. I find it very difficult to talk to people I do not know and even more difficult to fully trust the ones that I do know.

The years of addiction, self harm and abuse have done some serious damage to me. I am starting to feel like an outsider and its a lonely place to be. I tell myself that I don’t like people but that’s a lie. I tell myself that I don’t need people that is also a lie.

I want to be able to interact with people in person the same way I can with people online. I will discuss this issue with my sponsor and work towards resolving those old issues that are holding me hostage.
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Self centeredness is the core of my disease. I don’t want to be in this by myself. I want out of this prison.
I will work towards picking up the phone and using the numbers that I have. Dial em don’t file em right.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

2 thoughts on “SELF MADE PRISON. TIME FOR PAROLE

  1. I never liked ‘social situations’ until I realized that I don’t have to talk about myself and put myself ‘out there’ for imagined ridicule. I ask people what’s their favorite vacation, book, movie, song, quote, food, whatever. Most people will take it from there, and then once I know something about them, I can either share something about myself or ask another question about what they have told me. It gets me out of myself. Hope this helps. You have a lot to give, if your blog is an indication of who you are. Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Gloria I will try that. I appreciate your suggestions. I feel very awkward at times and that causes me to avoid people. I truly appreciate your support. 🙂

      Like

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