THE UNWILLINGNESS TO FULLY TRUST


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Growing up I was a very trusting child. I trusted that my parents loved me and they would always be there for me. I trusted people, and eventually that trust cost me. I learned the hard way that trusting people was a mistake. That everytime I trusted someone I wound up being the one to get hurt. It took a little time to sink in because I continued to have faith in people but continued to get the same results.

I eventually made a decision. Albeit a costly one. Yet and still it seemed to be my only course of action. I decided that people could not be trusted. All people. I stopped being that trusting person and proceeded to treat everyone like they already did something wrong to me. That one decision led me to isolation. I didn’t trust people so why bother with them. That’s how I began to think and fueled by my addiction those thoughts grew into anger, resentments, animosity, fear which eventually led me to loneliness, despair and desperation.

True to my addictive nature. I still suffer the ill affects from my past when it comes to trust. I have a hard time opening myself up to people. I have an unwillingness to trust people for that fear is still there. The ones that I do open up to, I find myself expecting them to cross me in some way. I am slowly, and I mean slowly attempting to open up. I suffer at times with a simple hug, so talking to people I don’t know is damn near non existent. As a result I sometimes suffer in silence and isolation even in a crowded room.
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I know that eventually things will change. I really want to become more open to talking to people and making friends but I have allowed fear to keep me paralyzed in that area. I just got a new sponsor and even asking him to sponsor me took some time. I am tired of feeling like I am not making progress and I look forward to doing some work in this area.

Progress not perfection
One day, hour or minute at a time.
This is my process, it is not a race and I am in competition with no one.

5 thoughts on “THE UNWILLINGNESS TO FULLY TRUST

  1. Pingback: Inspired | Souldier Girl

  2. Hey Eric. You are so right, Trust needs to be earned, as well as respect. Just because a person is in a position of authority, it does not mean that person deserves trust and respect. The position they hold may deserve that respect, but the person does not always.
    We need the discernment that the Lord will give, so we will actually know the people we come into contact with, and how much to trust, and how much of ourselves to share with them.

    As you continue to seek, Eric, you will continue to grow. As you glimpse into the past, not focussing on it, you will see how far you have travelled. As you see some of the people you no longer associate with, or connect with, you will see that you have made some wise choices. We can all learn from our poor choices, but we can learn and grow from wise choices in the past also, and repeat that kind.

    God’s Blessings Eric.
    Enjoy your July 4th coming up, as today, July 1, is our Canada Day celebration.

    George

    Liked by 1 person

    • Absolutely George trust and respect must be earned and a lot of people who think it is automatic because of a status are sadly mistaken. I am learning how to trust my own instincts and not be so quick to think everyone has my best interest at heart. I am grateful that I can share my experiences and people like yourself always respond and give me even more insight. Thank you for all your support George. Enjoy you day of celebration. Peace and Blessings my friend.

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  3. I used to think that trusting people was a loving and healthy thing to do. My therapist finally explained to me that trust has to be earned. I now lean towards not trusting anyone. I am trying to learn to be neutral until they show me who they are. It’s hard. Thank you for this post. Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing your identification. I agree and have learned to many hard lessons. I know that placing unrealistic expectations on others to treat me how I treat them is setting myself up for disappointments. Trust definitely has to be earned. Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your feedback. Have a blessed day. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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