OBSESSIONS, COMPULSIONS AND CHARACTER DEFECTS


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I have just learned about my obsessive and compulsive behavior only a couple of 24’s ago. I didn’t understand when I was using why I couldn’t stop thinking about it or why I continued to use knowing the consequences of my actions. Thanks to the process of recovery. I am beginning to get an understanding.

Now that I understand a little about obsession and compulsion I am noticing those behaviors in other areas of my life. I can no longer blame the drugs or blame anyone for my behavior. It has become painfully obvious that the problem lies within me.

My last bout with obsession and compulsion had me searching for love in all the wrong places. Banging my head against the wall and blaming others for my unhappiness. Getting involved in relationships that I had no business being in and feeling not worthy in the end balled up wondering why me, why am I here again. Only to repeat it the minute someone shows an interest.

Low self esteem and still having feelings of wanting to fit in have plagued me lately. I have to resolve those old issues and build my own self worth and love of self. I have to stop looking outside for what can only be found inside of me. Until I do I will never be able to fully commit and have a healthy relationship with anyone.

I am grateful that I no longer have the need to always be right, to beat myself up or to run, duck, hide and quit when the going gets tough. When I make mistakes or when I repeat something because I haven’t quite learned the lesson yet.

I have found the strength to let go of obsessing over people. Just for today I am concentrating on me. I am looking forward to doing the work necessary to grow. I know that I can be my biggest cheerleader and also my worse critic and my worse enemy. But as long as I continue to show up. I know I will grow up.

I will put down the bat and pick up the feather. Focus on what needs to be done and not on my need for instant gratification.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

6 thoughts on “OBSESSIONS, COMPULSIONS AND CHARACTER DEFECTS

  1. Montant Deux . Une fois par année pour cent ajuster chaque ménage bombardements hébergement web assurance soins de santé U .

    s . ’88 – Deux mille deux.

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  2. Had a feeling u was on about gyal bizniss couple weeks ago but u sed it was dough so, lol, peace my brother. The fact you come thru what u have makes you someone with much to offer the right person. Kick back and wait and trust

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    • I am actually struggling in multiple areas. Women and money are both weak points for me at this time. I am living and learning. I make mistakes today and learn from them. Today I can accept that I am not perfect and can take the measures to correct my behaviors. Recovery is teaching me how to live a responsible life for the first time in my life. For that I am truly grateful. I will do just that brother. Kick back, have faith, trust and believe. Thanks Drew I appreciate your support and encouragement.

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  3. Yo E, i have or had the same or similar problems with going straight for anyone that showed interest in me. I realised why i had that behaviour and tried to change the way i looked at me. For years now i have not had a partner through being in with 2 kids and have learned to enjoy being alone, not needing someone to validate me. The fact you recognise your behaviours is massive. Good luck and much strength. Life is truly a mesmerising journey of discovery. Brother

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    • I have made the decision to stay single and work on myself. I am grateful that I recognized the behavior and am willing to do something about it rather than settle and accept it. Thank you Drew for sharing your identification. Life truly is an amazing journey and I am thankful that I got the chance to experience it. Have a blessed day.

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