And FREEDOM FROM ACTIVE ADDICTION.
I remember in my active addiction always looking for the easy way out. Anything that took too much time or effort was beyond my scope and train of thought. So I always looked for the simplest way to do things.
When I came into recovery I had that same mentality. I would pick and choose what suggestions I would take and what principles I would apply. I still wanted to do things my way. As a result I paid the price of relapse and suffering from active addiction time and time again.
I had heard that recovery is a simple process. I didn’t understand why then, was I having such a difficult time. I didn’t realize that I was the problem and I was complicating my recovery process with my resistance to change and follow a few suggestions.
It took a couple of years for me to finally understand that I had no wins. That I had no control over my addiction. That I could no longer avoid the real problem. ME. That I needed to start to take the help and suggestions being offered seriously. That I needed help and I didn’t have a clue how to go about getting it.
The help was there all the time. All I had to do was ask. That was and still is the hardest part for me. Asking for help. Sometimes I still find it difficult but my fear is lessened when I hear others share that they struggle in that area too.
One thing that I have to keep in mind is that.
STREET RULES DO NOT APPLY IN RECOVERY.
It’s ok to ask for help. It is not seen as a weakness and it won’t make me a target for anything other than to receiving the help that I asked for.
I have learned that it’s ok to ask for help and to share what I am going through. I am also learning to acknowledge my feelings and not stuff them. I am grateful that recovery is not easy. I am grateful that I am forced to take a hard look at my reality and deal with it.
Looking back on my life. I never thought It would be possible that I could ever get clean. I never thought that I would ever amount to anything. I was wrong. I had counted myself out because I was afraid of doing the hard work. I never gave myself a chance because I would rather settle for the easy way out.
Now I know better. Nothing and I mean nothing worth having or doing comes easy. My life in recovery is not easy but it is oh so worth it.
Peace and Blessings