CERTIFIABLY INSANE


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There was a time in my life when I was ruled by the insanity of my active addiction.

Here’s one of those times.

No names have been changed to protect anyone.

As you all know I am a addict in recovery from addiction. I used and the got abused by the very drugs that I thought would ease my pain. One time in particular stands out in my mind today.

In 2009 I was suffering from severe pain in my right leg. Instead of going to a doctor to find out what the hell was wrong, I chose to try to medicate away the pain. This went on for about a month all the while the pain is steadily getting worse.

I need to tell you that while I was in pain, I couldn’t stand on my leg. I had to keep it elevated off the ground. Yet I still did not seek medical help. Finally when the pain became too much to bear, I went to the emergency room. There wasn’t much they could do so they gave me a referal to see a vascular specialist the next day.

Of course I went home and used but I did go the next day. After I went to pick up my check. So the specialist puts this goo on my leg and use a hand held sonar type thing. Just like they do for women when they are checking a fetus. They tell me to get dressed and wait. So I do.

Next thing I know they are rolling in a gurney telling me to lay down we have to admit you. I ask why and the doctor comes in and says “You have a blood clot in your leg and it’s possible that it could break free and travel to you lungs and kill you.

You would think that after hearing what the doctor said that I would’ve been terrified. The only thing I could think about was Damn now I can’t get high. I gotta be stuck here in this fucking hospital. I know, I know. Crazy right. But that’s not the half of it.

So after they wheel me down to the emergency room I speak to another doctor and he tells me how serious this is and they want all my insurance and other info. So now I am really getting antsy. So I began to tell this doctor that before I am admitted that I need to go get my kids from school and have someone watch them. He said ok but please make sure you come back.
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To make a long story short. I left the hospital went to cop some crack, packed a little bag and went back to the hospital. What about the kids you ask.. Oh I forgot..I don’t have any kids. It was all bullshit just so I could use. I spent that night smoking crack in the hospital. A week later I was released only to continue on my road to madness.

I was so locked and loaded, caught up in the grips of the insanity of my addiction. That I didn’t even care that the blood clot could’ve killed me, either on the way to get drugs or when I was using them while in the hospital. It didn’t even cross my mind.

My addiction took me to many different places. None of them good. I just wanted to die and tried in more ways than one.

Thank you for allowing me to share some of my insanity. I appreciate all of you who read my blog, comment and for everyone’s support and encouraging words. I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without you.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

14 thoughts on “CERTIFIABLY INSANE

  1. Your courage to be vulnerable and share your truth is MIGHTY ADMIRABLE!! As a fellow recovering addict, i think it is important for us to reflect on the true-life horrors of our past. TO NEVER FORGET, reminds us everyday at how far we’ve already came!!! Thank you for sharing!! Have a happy and safe 24!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Whisper. I agree keeping it real and not sugar coating my addiction helps me not to forget. I keep my horrors up close and personal as to not repeat them. I know i am far from where I used to be and I am forever grateful. Thank you for reading and following my blog. You have a happy and safe 24 as well. Peace and Blessings.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Damn Eric! Glad it didn’t burst and you are still with us spreading the word on how not to act. To quote my daughter that’s “Cra Cra”, it’s awesome to read how far you have come from the depths of hell.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Wow yup that was definitely insane! I look back at some of my “experiences” while using and I think my goodness Vicky you were one crazy ass bitch. The sad thing is we don’t see the insanity while in the grips of the addiction. Now I can laugh at myself but when I was first getting clean I was really down on myself over the flippin’ insane shit I did. Nothing absolutely nothing matter but the using. I didn’t give one flying F over any health problems that’s for sure.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Also – my X had a clot in his leg. He finally went to the hospital. He was sent home with medication he had to inject into his abdomen. He was injecting his meds as prescribed and smoking crack inspite of the seriousness of his health condition. Yup insanity

      Liked by 1 person

    • Yes indeed. Nothing else mattered, nothing at all. I have had quite a few experiences that today come across as insanity but seemed totally necessary when I was locked and loaded. I am so grateful for the clarity today.

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  4. Your story and K’s follow such similar paths in as you say the insanity of addiction! He too suffered a clot in his leg but his broke free and he ended up with the clot in his lung! Of course as soon and he was released from the hospital he went and scored! Excuse my language but totally fucked up! The total insanity of addiction. It’s almost reassuring to read your blog because I realise it’s not ‘him’ it’s the drug

    Liked by 1 person

    • Karen the addicts mind is clouded to say the least. We cannot function like a normal person because our every thought is centered around the getting, using and finding ways and means to get more. Insanity for me was putting it mildly. I thank God that I can see a little bit clearer today. My prayers are with you and K.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Hey Eric. I will keep this short, even though my mind is motoring through much. It may or may not cross your mind, but I believe that someone, or more than one, who has an addiction of any kind, or binges, may read your blog, see themselves and seek medical help if nothing else right now. I seriously believe that what you wrote here today may be saving one or more lives. Right now I have two friends at the Centre who have a blood clot and are being monitored closely, and were close to death. It is serious business. Thank you Eric for putting the truth out as you do. God’s Blessings my Friend.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I truly hope someone gets my messages, can relate to my experiences and seeks the help they need. I am gratefulthat I am here to share my story. Thank you brother. Have a blessed day.

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