I used drugs for the majority of my life. A bit more than 3/4’s of my life was spent intoxicated, numb and paranoid. My addiction has many stages. I went from homeless, jobless crackhead to crackhead with a job with many episodes in between.
I remember all too well the days of coming to, searching for my daily drugs, using and passing out at the end of the day. It didn’t matter to me what day it was. Most of the time I was too high to know anyway.
Back then I did have a purpose or a plan. At one point in my addiction I wasn’t working or of any use to anyone. There are years of wasted days in my story. Days where I did absolutely nothing. Time kept moving and I stayed stuck.
When I first got clean, I was embarrassed. I was ashamed that it took me so long. That I wasted so much time. I felt stupid and I shared about it. I am grateful that I did. I found out that I wasn’t alone.
Today I look back and I see that my time wasn’t a total waste. I try to find something good in every situation even my active addiction. I know that my active addiction was a learning experience. Although it was a long lesson, it was still a lesson. Today I make my days count. I try to learn something new, give something back, help someone and I allow others to help me. I am growing daily and I will continue to do so until my time here is up.
I practice letting go of regrets from what I could have, should have, but didn’t do. I can’t do anything about the past. But I can do something about today.
Life will no longer pass me by.
I make today count.
Peace and Blessings