For a long time I have been an outsider in my own family. I haven’t seen my Mother, brothers, aunt, cousins, grand cousins and great grand cousins for years. I never felt like I belonged as a child and as a addict I really didn’t fit in. I have been estranged from them and told myself it was ok. That I am better off without them.
Since coming to recovery I have shared on several occasions about my family. How I miss them but I have learned to give them their space. Just because I am clean doesn’t mean that all of a sudden everything is fine. I caused a lot of damage in my active addiction. A lot of years of lies and pain. I have learned that they need time to heal. I have been giving them their time and been using that time to work on myself.
This past mother’s day I spoke to my Mom. That was the longest conversation we have had in years. Usually I am on and off the phone in a minute, 2 minutes tops. It was good to talk to her and not feel the guilt and shame through the phone. It was a very good conversation and she even asked me when I was coming to see her. I was shocked and happy at the same time. I told her I would stop by on Saturday.
Well today I went to see my mother and we had a great day. She was surprised to see how much weight I’ve gained (the last time she saw me I was smoked out). She was also surprised to hear that I finally got my drivers license and that I now have my own car.
So you know she had me driving her around. Lol.
It was a wonderful day and I am so grateful and thankful that I got to spend some time with her. I will continue to work on this bond and build it back up to where it should be. I thank my Higher Power and the fellowship. For all those people that told me to just hold on, that one day things will work out. I appreciate all of those who support me and show me love.
Lost dreams awaken.
New possibilities arise.