I so love my new life in recovery. I am at a place of peace and tranquility. I have come to a place of serenity, even in the midst of a storm I am just riding the wave. I owe thanks to my Higher Power for guiding me to recovery and for giving me the willingness to let go of the past and embrace something new.
My life has done such a complete turn around that there are times when I find myself waiting for it all to come crashing down. I remember for many years believing that I did not deserve to have a happy life. I can remember always waiting for something to go wrong because it usually did. I didn’t realize that by me anticipating something to go wrong I was actually causing it to happen. I was the reason for all those failures and disappointments.
I am learning how to take the good with the bad as they come. Not as I would have them be. Left up to my thinking something will always go wrong. I am practicing a new way of thinking. I say something good will happen and I believe it. No matter what I am feeling or going through I try to put a positive spin on it.
It doesn’t always work, but when I catch myself being a negative nelly I turn it around to the best of my ability and with the help of my network. Life is what I make it. Its not always sunny, but I’ll be damn if its going to be always gloomy.
Today I have a choice in the direction that I want my life to go. I no longer feel like I have to be a victim of circumstance or my environment. I am learning how to avoid sabotaging myself, I am learning how to take healthy risks and to not place unrealistic expectations on myself and others. I am learning that disappointments happen and its not the end of the world.
Today I choose to live happy, joyous and free. Free from the bondage of active addiction. Free from drama and bullshit. Free to be who I am truly meant to be.