EXPOSING MY TRIGGERS: PART II: ANGER AND RESENTMENT

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So Ive decided to make a series of posts finding, naming and exposing my triggers. I know that I have many, I also know there are some that I am not aware of. I will post each one as I discover them and how they affect me.

One of my most destructive triggers is anger. I have a bit of a temper. I have gotten a lot better at managing it as a result of doing some work but it is still somewhat detrimental and hazardous to my overall health and well-being.

Being a product of dysfunctional family. I have never learned how to deal with my feelings in a healthy manner. I used to get so angry that I couldn’t think of anything other than the thing that got me so pissed off. I used to cover up those feelings on a daily basis and that became my escape. Using was my solution and therefore became my coping mechanism.

Today although I have a slight handle on my anger and have learned a few new ways to vent and release the anger in a healthy manner. I still at times have difficulty letting go. Anger turns into resentment and can eventually lead me to rationalize that I should use something in order to cope.

The old habits die hard. But having gained a little knowledge about my disease those thoughts are short lived. Thanks to my ability to share what I am going through. I am grateful that I do not stuff those feelings of anger and rage.

I talk about it or I will smoke about it.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

EXPOSING MY TRIGGERS: WARM WEATHER

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I am learning to tell on myself and my disease. I no longer worry about how you look at me, or what you will think or say. Your opinion is yours. Negative or positive it no longer dictates whether or not I share what’s going on with me.

I spent way too much time worrying about what others thought. I wasted a lifetime trying to live up to a phoney image of what I thought my life should be like and living up to a stereotype of what a man should and should not do. All of it contributed to me losing myself and staying stuck in a fantasy world where I didn’t belong.

I know better than that today. I am learning that secrets keep me sick and will eventually kill me. If I continue to allow those secrets to stay hidden and not expose them I will never get better. No one can help me if they do not know anything about me. So I take the risks to share about me.

I expose things to my networks so they can help me to get a better understanding on how to get through it. I no longer wish to keep it hidden and suffer the consequences. That is too high a price to pay..to live so damn low.

So now that the weather is breaking and it’s finally starting to feel like summer. I will be the first to tell you that this weather is a trigger for me. The cookouts, boat rides, bus trips and everything else that goes along with summertime. I used heavily during summer days and I love drinking beer. But drinking doesn’t love me and it opens the door for me to use what I really want. I will be smoking crack in 00.3 seconds flat.

I know this.

I am grateful for this process of getting to know the real me. Knowing is half the battle. Its what I do with that knowledge that separates today from yesterday. Today I choose to live.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

Chatting Up Recovery with the Awesome Guys at KLĒN+SŌBR

Hello everyone check out this awesome podcast with my friend MagzShores@SoberCourage. Also check out her blog at
http://sobercourage.com