I can remember not to long ago not taking any responsibility for my actions. I would run, duck and dodge my responsibilities like I was a professional running back dodging tackles. I refused to grow up and handle my business like a responsible adult.
Well maybe refused is not the right word. I just didn’t know how. I was too focused on using. I lost the ability to think straight and therefore was unable to deal with life on life’s terms.
But life has a funny way of showing up and forcing you to take a look at certain things and then forces you to deal with it. Like it or not.
My past has been catching up to me recently. Yes folks recovery doesn’t make me exempt from my past responsibilities. I have been in a major financial storm lately and I am doing my best to weather this storm. I am being knocked down and around by it and to be honest. There are times when I feel like giving up. Throwing in the towel.
Quitting when the road get rough has been my M.O. for the majority of my life. Taking care of business is new and can be overwhelming at times. I am learning to sit still and deal. Even when every fiber of my being is screaming for me to run.
I don’t like the uncertainty of my predicament at the present time. But I am in it for the long run. I know that its always darkest before the dawn. That this too shall pass and all that but I am still that addict who doubts himself and lacks faith at times.
I will continue to pray and hold on tight come hell or high water. Using is not the answer to any problem today. I am grateful that today I have other options.
Life will continue to show up. Its how I choose to deal with it today that helps me know that I am growing and change is happening.
Peace and Blessings