TRUST AND BELIEVE

image

I trust that the God of my understanding will do for me what I cannot do for myself.

For a long time, I didn’t believe that God or higher power existed. I just knew that everything that happened to me was a direct result of my own power.

I lacked faith or a belief system when it came to God. I thought that if there was a God he would have never allowed me to suffer the way I did. I became bitter and angry and I doubted God and had no trust in him or people who believed in him.

It’s crazy how things have changed. How my view has changed in the last couple of years.

It took some time for me to realize that God was always there. That I have been protected by a divine intervention and that all the things that I escaped was not due to a power of my own. That I was given many chances and ample opportunities to change and save myself from harm and headache and I squandered them all. Yet was still offered more options and opportunities than I deserved.

I was the one who didn’t believe and as a result suffered at the hands of my own devices. I realize today that I have been, and am truly blessed by my higher power. I recognize a power greater than myself at work in my life. I am truly grateful.

I Trust and Believe

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

JUST FOR TODAY

image

“Living just for today relieves the burden of the past and the fear of the future.  We learned to take whatever actions are necessary and to leave the results in the hands of our Higher Power.” Basic Text Page 94

I can remember in my active addiction when I used to get paid on Friday, be broke by Saturday and already be planning what I was going to buy with my next check. I can also remember times when I would play out scenarios in my head about people I haven’t even met yet.
For instance :
I see a pretty young lady on the train. In my mind I picture us together, then arguments break out, then things get worse and we end up never speaking to each other again. All this plays out in mind. We done went through a divorce and I dont even know her name. SMH.

In the hear and now, I find myself sometimes being stuck in fear of trying something new because of past failures. I replay a scenario of a failed attempt at something that happened years ago and find myself apprehensive of what might happen.

I can go on but then I would have to write a book and not a post.

I am learning the importance of living in the here and now. Fear of the past or the future can stop me from reaching my full potential and will run rampant if not checked. It is vital to my recovery and my everyday life that I focus on today and do the best I can in the moment. I have no control over the outcome of any given situation but I do have control over making the efforts.

I believe in the Just For Today philosophy and it has proven to be very helpful in my recovery process.

Live, Love, Laugh and Let Go.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

I QUIT SMOKING (AGAIN)

image

I wrote a post a couple of days ago called NO LONGER JUST DREAMING, I AM DOING. In it I spoke of how I used to dream of the day when I no longer used. I also went on to say. That I used to have many dreams but never put forth the effort to make them a reality.

Quitting smoking was also high on that dream list. I have tried many times, half ass attempts to give them up but always picked them right back up again. I never gave up wanting to quit, but I procrastinated with setting a quit date and actually taking the steps.

I posted here on my blog a couple of months ago how I was quitting and didn’t last 3 days. Well I have finally taken the first steps towards quitting. I called the NYC Quitline, ordered some patches and put my first one on. I have not smoked a cigarette since April 24th. Today I have 5 days free from smoking.

I am irritable, tired from lack of sleep and have other symptoms of withdrawal but I feel great. I am proud of myself for taking the steps towards becoming smoke free. I put my words into actions. I am applying the same principles that have helped me stay clean from drugs and it is working.

I am truly grateful for the willingness to change.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

18 MONTHS

image

Thanks to my Higher Power, The Fellowship, my network and the love and support of each and every one of you. Today I celebrate 18 months without the use of mind or mood altering substances.

I am grateful for this opportunity to learn how to live a productive and responsible life. I am thankful for the open mindedness and the willingness to change.

I look forward to growing and learning and to continue to follow this way. I know that I have nothing to fear. I know that as long as I continue to actively participate in my own recovery and continue to share my experience, strength and hope my life will continue to progress.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

NO LONGER JUST DREAMING I AM DOING

image

For a long time, I  dreamed of the day when I would not use drugs. I would have dreams of a family, car, a good job and living a normal life. It was only a dream because I never was able to believe that I could actually ever achieve it.

I had many dreams that I would brush off as fantasy. I would say to myself
“Who are you kidding”
I failed at more things than I care to admit and low self esteem kept me stuck in a self made cycle, no prison.

I was missing the main ingredients to make my dreams become realities. I was missing the action. I was so stuck in my negative thinking that I killed my dreams before they could ever come to life. I self medicated thinking it made me feel better, but in reality it fueled that negativity and helped keep my dreams stuffed deep down inside. I wasn’t able to see anything good because of the black cloud that hung over me.

I am learning so many things about myself and life in general. I am able today to take healthy risks, to explore new things and pursue dreams that I never thought I would ever be able to. I am living the dream. The one where I wouldn’t be using drugs. I am doing things today as a direct result that I could only imagine a couple of years ago.

I am proud of myself
I am taking action and not taking a back seat. I am awakening and growing and doing.

And it feels amazing.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

REASONS AND SEASONS

image

I am grateful for the Reasons and Seasons concept. I finally am gaining a grasp on the FACT that not everyone in my life is meant to be there and even more importantly Not everyone deserves to be there.

Some people are brought into my path to teach me a lesson, then there are some who are brought across my path to see if I have learned that lesson. Some people are good for my spirit and are meant to help me to reach higher plains. Others are not good for my spirit  and no matter how much I try to deny it. The truth will always be revealed.

I am learning to accept people for who they are. I cannot change them. I can however change me. I can however remove myself from their presence. In turn I can accept you for who you are at a distance. I can accept the fact that their season in my life is over and move on without them.

The choices that I make will always have an effect on my happiness. Good choices usually mean happiness and bad choices mean struggle, strife and heartache. Today I have options. I can choose to be happy or miserable. I choose happy.

I am happy today.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

EXERCISE MY OPTIONS.

image

What a difference a day makes. While I was enjoying my weekend I  was able to resist certain temptations. I am actually proud of myself for remaining true to myself and others.

Needless to say it didn’t matter and the pot boiled over once again. The false accusations, name calling, threats and other childish behavior are just too much. I have to be the bigger person today. I am grateful for the program and my process. I am growing daily and learning to stick up for myself and not settle for anything that doesn’t sit right with me.

Today I know how to say NO and GOODBYE. I refuse to settle for anything less. Respect is given until it is no longer deserved. I have options today and I exercise them without hesitation.

image

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease

MIRACLES BEYOND MEASURE

image

This weekend I had the pleasure of attending The Miracles Beyond Measure Convention in Ocean City Maryland. I must give thanks to my Higher Power for his Grace & Mercy for sparing an addict like me. I am forever grateful.

This was my 3rd convention and my 2nd time in OC. I was amazed and in awe of the unity, love and companionship that I was blessed to be a part of.  The main speakers were phenomenal and carried a clear message. The workshops were equally amazing and I left each meeting feeling spiritually refreshed.

The theme of this convention along with the speakers helped me to realize how much of a miracle WE all truly are. It helped to reinforce my belief that I am somebody and that I can be anything that I want to be. I can do anything that I put my mind to. Nothing is beyond my grasp or out of my reach.

This gathering of recovering addicts was proof positive that addicts do recover. To see so many people happy and in recovery all together in one place was outstanding. The message of hope and the promise of freedom from active addiction was alive and in full force. To see so many new comers and old timers alike at times was overwhelming and I found myself brought to tears with my feelings of gratitude.

Miracles Beyond Measure is a fitting name for the recovery process. To me it means that

As long as I stay in position and continue to place my recovery as priority 1, my life will continue to change beyond my wildest imagination. That I cannot even begin to fathom the blessings that are in store.

I left Maryland feeling brand new. I have been restored to a point of having that hunger and urgency and am looking forward to doing my part in carrying the life saving message…

That an addict,  any addict.
Can stop using drugs, lose the desire to use and find a NEW way to live.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease