Man do I remember the pressures of trying to live up to others expectations of me. I also remember the disappointed feelings when I didn’t measure up. Failure became the only way of life. It was “The Norm”. At least that way I didn’t have to worry about pressure any more.
That kind of thinking eventually led me to believe that I was worthless, hopeless and a complete and utter failure. I wouldn’t even make a wholehearted attempt anymore. I was feeling defeated before I even started. My self esteem was so low that children had higher hopes. I was lost and alone.
Or so I thought.
Today I am totally the opposite. I am happy, joyous and free. My self esteem and self worth are climbing and I no longer feel lost, lonely or defeated. I have purpose today. I do not try to live up to other people’s expectations of me. I also do not place unrealistic expectations on myself. I am allowed to live my life today, One day at a time. Without the worry or pressure. Living in the moment has given me a freedom I have never experienced before.
I will not let others expectations of me dictate my life or my actions today.
I’m doing me.
Peace and Blessings
When I think back to my active addiction I remember I used to act off my thoughts without concern of the consequences. I would have a thought pop into my head and before long the thought turned into action. I wouldn’t be able to shake that thought until I did something about it.
Obsession and Compulsion
Obsession that over powering desire to use even when I know it is destroying my life. When I say use It not only has to do with drugs. Using anything to much. People, places and things are all included.
Compulsion. The inability to stop using once I have started. I am never satisfied and I will continue the behavior regardless of the consequences until I get what I want and even then continue. It is part of my cycle of insanity.
I still suffer from obsession and compulsion even in recovery. It can manifest itself in many different ways from eating to smoking cigarettes to being obsessed with my thoughts and actions about people. It can be detrimental to my health and well being and if not checked can cause some major damage and have serious repercussions. Obsessions are hazardous they can make me do things and act out in ways that are irrational.
I have a program today that helps me sort through my madness but even with a program my addiction (my thinking) can still wreak havoc. I have to remain vigilant and be sure to talk about the things that run through my mind. Its always good to run certain things by another person just to make sure my irrational thinking is not a back door insanity trip. I am grateful for my process and my network.
God is Good