I GET INVOLVED

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Recovering from active addiction takes hard work and consistency. Nothing worth having ever comes easy.

When I first came into recovery I was beat down. I was lost, alone and desperate for a better way to live. I thought that all my problems would disappear if I could only stop using. I thought that all of sudden my life would be so much better. Well I was half right. My life has gotten a whole lot better since I put down the drugs but my problems did not just disappear over night. I immediately started to blame recovery. I began to think that it was all a bunch of BS. What I didn’t realize at the time was I was only doing a small portion of what is required to stay clean. I was only abstinent from the drugs but not the behaviors associated with them.

I continued to do things that I did when I was using. I continued to lie, cheat and steal among other things and that dishonesty along with listening to the negative thoughts in my head ran me right back out the door and to using again. I tried several times after that to get clean but was unsuccessful. I couldn’t understand why I could not stay clean. I began to think that recovery worked for others but wouldn’t work for me. I decided to stop trying and my life really fell apart. I had lost all hope of ever getting clean. I had lost faith in myself and everyone around me. I isolated myself in my self made prison and spiraled out of control. In the end I was ready to end it all. I wanted to die.

I was given a second chance and by listening to others who have been in recovery for a while I was able to string together a couple of days. I was able to learn to listen and I became willing to ask people for help. I was able to ask people that I did not know “How do I stay clean”. People reached out to me and helped me understand a little bit better about my disease. The disease of addiction is baffling to say the least. It is progressive, incurable and it is fatal. But it can be arrested one day at a time. I learned that I had to get involved, I had to participate in my own recovery. I did not do that the last time and that is why it did not work. So this time I made sure to get involved. I heard them say I was not responsible for my addiction but I am responsible for my recovery. I heard them say that recovery has to come first. I had to fashion my life around my recovery. That I had to talk about what I had been through and what I am going through now. I heard them say make meetings and share in those meetings, to get a sponsor to guide me in the process. I heard them telling me to read the literature and do step work.

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I heard the suggestions that would help me to stay clean. I not only heard them but I started doing them. I began to notice something. My life was changing. I was starting to feel better about myself and I was learning new things and meeting new people. I was actually making friends. People are happy to see me and not telling me to go away. I began to learn how to love myself and take care of my responsibilities. I was feeling like a brand new person and it felt great. I continue to get involved today. It will never be over. I have to be consistent in order to keep what I have.

Just for today..I will do just that.

Peace and blessings

Eric Ease

http://www.fromstruggletostrength.com

THINK THINK THINK. AND THEN THINK AGAIN

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Being an addict in recovery I am learning that not everything I think is true. I know that my imagination can wreak havoc in my personal life if I am not careful. Just because I think I might know something I should be damn certain I know what I am talking about before I open my mouth.

Working a program helps me to recognize when my disease is attacking me. It helps me to sort through the mess and be able to hear the message. It helps me not to be quick to judge others based on what I think I know about them, but rather to get to know them. Working a program helps me to be able to admit when I am wrong and also helps me not to feed into others bullshit when I am right. It helps me to not think that everything that happens or doesn’t happen is about me.

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I am grateful for my program today because I know when my diseased thinking is actively trying to sabotage things. I can see myself coming today. I can see you coming today as well. My higher power has got me regardless of what happens I will succeed as long as I continue to actively participate in my own recovery. I have no control over others. I only have control over how I choose to respond.

Today I will not allow my thinking to ruin my chances.

Peace and Blessings

Eric Ease