Today I was in a meeting and the topic was Recovery and Relapse. I heard a lot of information and was able to identify because relapse is a part of my story.
I also shared my experiences with this topic. I shared about my struggles with identity from the early stages before drugs and how I started using to escape my feelings of low self worth. How I lived in a fantasy world for years creating different identities for myself because I didn’t like who the real me was.
I also shared how in the end, the loneliness and desperation got the best of me and how I thought about suicide everyday. I wanted to end my life because I didn’t want to live the life I was living anymore. I didn’t think that I would ever be able to stop the madness, the insanity was too much.
I WAS TIRED OF PAYING SUCH A HIGH PRICE TO LIVE SO LOW.
I am so grateful that I am also able to share the hope that came about after the despair, degradation and destruction. The wonderful gift of life, a second chance at life that I have been blessed with. How I was brought back to a moment of clarity and able to give recovery one last try.
I am not ashamed to share my story for one very important reason. I gives me freedom. I have learned acceptance of who I am today. I am NOT that person I pretended to be for so many years. I am NOT my mistakes, I am NOT my failures.
I AM NOT MY PAST.
I am experiencing FREEDOM FROM ACTIVE ADDICTION. I am experiencing life as I was meant to live it. It is only through my Higher Power’s Grace and Mercy that I am able to share my experiences with you all. That I am able to do the work necessary to maintain my freedom. That I am still alive.
I will not squander this opportunity for who knows if I will make it back. I for one am NOT willing to attempt to find out. I will stay the course, steady as I go. With the help of my network I stand a better chance than I ever will alone. I cannot do this by myself.
Freedom from active addiction ISN’T FREE. It takes commitment and hard work.
TODAY I AM COMMITED TO SAVING MY OWN LIFE. NOT DESTROYING IT.
Peace and Blessings