Addiction is a disease that affects my thinking. I have been under attack since early yesterday. It has been a onslaught of negative thoughts and voices due to some things that are going on in my life at the moment.
When I say that my addiction talks to me would you believe me or think I am crazy. People in recovery from active addiction know exactly what I am talking about. My addiction talks to me in a voice that is familiar to me, My own. Because my addiction is me. I was reminded of that earlier today by a friend. Thank you.
The minute a little something goes wrong I try to use that as a opening to tell myself that my fight is not worth it. That I should give up, That I cant overcome this situation, That I am wasting my time and I told you so. My addiction is me. My diseased thinking is me. It will always be with me. I will always have those thoughts pop up.
I know that I have to defend myself from myself. It sounds crazy, it sounds like I am two people inside of one. Well there is. Its the best way that I can describe it. Its the only way that I can make any sense of it. To me it’s a battle of sorts. It’s the Battle Royal.
GOOD VS EVIL
I have a choice which way I want to go. I can listen to those negative thoughts and voices in my head and go backwards. Back to a life of active addiction, pain, misery and suffering
I can choose to expose those thoughts and voices and get some suggestions and support from people like me and get past the situations in a healthy manner and be able to live another day clean and serene.
I CHOOSE EXPOSURE.
I choose to not allow myself to sabotage myself. I will not allow a couple of bad situations to turn into a series of bad decisions. I am grateful that I have a network of people in my support system and I higher power that I can lean on.
Storms WILL COME,
but they WILL also GO.
Peace and Blessings