Growing up I never really knew what I wanted to be. I didn’t have dreams of becoming a firefighter or a policeman, a doctor or anything else. I also never in my wildest dreams wanted to become an addict.
I used to wish I was someone else. I remember for a long time not liking who I was. (As if I really knew who I was). I was suffering in silence at a young age from low self esteem and low self worth. I always wanted to be anyone but myself because I thought that you had a better life than I did.
Judging from outside appearances only I wanted to be you. I never knew about all the different problem life can and will bring. Never had a care about that. I regret the fact that I started using at such an early age because I didn’t get the chance to grow up naturally. I grew up fast and most of the information that I absorbed was false. So as a direct result I spent a lot of time living a life I DID NOT WANT.
That being said
I am learning at the ripe age of 49 how to live. I have to delete all that useless information that I used as a guideline for years and years. I have to be reprogrammed so to speak, I need to be rebooted and upgraded to a new version.
Today I am taking the time to live a life more in line with how I should have lived. A positive and productive life. Free of the drama and insanity that I have lived most my life. Today I have a general idea of what I want out of life and I seek people who are living along similar lines. I know that I do not want to be associated with negative, do nothing, go nowhere people. Those days are over.
My life is a work in progress. What I may want today can change tomorrow or even later today. The general guidelines will not. Today I am making the changes necessary to live a life that I want.
Peace and Blessings